Sit down and shut up (I tell myself)

 After years of shirking God's tug on my heart, the happenings in the last 2 years caused me to sit up and listen to what God was putting on my heart. With the encouragement from a brother I took a step of faith that God was indeed calling me and started a Christian Brotherhood Group. We meet a few times a month and it's been an amazing experience. It's hard to put it into words because it is just a dozen or so guys sitting in a living room talking.. but, we invite the Holy Spirit in to lead and guide... that makes all the difference. That being said, anyone who knows me knows I am a talker, which can be annoying if there are a dozen other guys there. I am working specifically on being a listener in all areas of my life, whether at work, with friends, at home or in a meeting. Also, I am seen by the guys as the leader since I initiated the meetings but I give it all to God to lead. 

Something that is being made very clear to me is as a leader I sometimes unintentionally take up more time and space than I realize. If I think every comment or question needs to be followed by my response, people can feel processed instead of heard, even when my intent is good. Silence isn’t a problem I need to fix.. it’s where reflection, honesty and vulnerability can grow.

Not every question needs my answer. Sometimes a brother is saying his own words out loud for the first time, and what he shared simply needs room to sit. And when a question does need answering, as a leader I can set an example by sitting back and letting others speak first, being genuinely interested in hearing perspectives other than my own.

I already know what I think. Growth comes from learning what others think, not from restating my own thoughts.

My voice matters. Making room for others’ voices strengthens the whole group.

I can honestly say that when I shut up and listen.. it's awesome what I hear.. when I listen to hear and understand instead of listen to respond, it's awesome.  

All glory to God-

Lord, send me... (surely You wouldn't!)

I recently heard someone offering a prayer to God, and part of it said:

“Yes, Lord, we will go where You want us to go… which is most likely right where we are.”

That comment got my attention.

It started with the language of obedience, go where You want us to go, and then neutralized. Surrender was acknowledged and then explained away. The door was opened long enough to sound faithful and then shut and we go back to our comfort zone.

A statement like that can sound harmless and practical.

I mean, why would God call me to foster a child?
Why would He call me to start a Bible study for the homeless?
Why would He call me to collect clothes for the needy, build homes with Habitat for Humanity, step away from a comfortable career, or start a church where I don’t know anyone, drive 40 minutes out of my way every week, to sit in the cold to talk to one lonely man I met outside a gas station..?

Why would He ask me to do something that seems crazy… when staying “right where I am” is the most comfortable, passive thing I can do?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that God often does call people to be faithful right where they are. Scripture shows that. It's not whether God sometimes tells us to stay. The issue is the assumption that He probably will... and the comfort that assumption provides before our obedience is ever tested.

That simple follow-up phrase... “which is most likely right where we are”   is subtle, but powerful. It lowers expectations. It reassures us that God will never ask you to do something that would disrupt our lives. It's almost like we assume God says, 'Relax… your calling won’t cost you anything'.

That’s not how the apostles understood calling. They took it seriously, knowing full well it could, and often did, cost them their lives.

That prayer gave us the idea of radical obedience and then squashed it. Almost like saying, God is gathering an army for His purposes… but whoa whoa, relax, sit back down, it’s probably not you.

We cannot acknowledge His call and then set boundaries around it and surrender on our terms.

And when this kind of language comes from a pulpit, it’s not just them telling us their personal opinion, it can train the way people think.

Does comfort equal obedience?
Is our calling simply to stay where we are, do what we already do, and remain comfortably unchanged?

Can we honestly pray, “God, I’ll go wherever You want me to go,” while assuming He will never ask us to do something that rearranges our lives?

Isaiah’s calling was anything but comfortable. At one point, God told him to walk naked and barefoot for three and a half years, and he obeyed (Isaiah 20). Isaiah could have easily responded, “C'mon God, I'm sure You don’t mean all my clothes… or that long.” He just obeyed.

Paul didn’t plan his journeys around convenience. He knew what he was signing up for... the beatings, prison, torture, and still sang praises in chains, thanking God that he was found worthy to suffer.

Prayers that sound reasonable can be dangerous. They can sound bold and ready while protecting us from interruption.

The real question isn’t whether we say we’re willing. It’s whether we’re actually willing to have our lives disrupted for the work of the Lord… for the Great Commission.

We can’t talk boldly like disciples while not being willing to live like disciples, as scary and intimidating as that can be!

We can’t sing about being sent and never expect to go.
We can’t pray “Send me” and already make up our minds that He would not actually send us, afterall it would disrupt our schedule.

If that’s our position and belief, we shouldn’t be surprised if we never recognize His voice when He does call.

The problem isn’t that God isn’t calling.
It’s that we’ve learned to explain why there is no way it could mean me! 

 

Graduation by Grace

Imagine every student in the entire school failed every class and every test. Everyone deserved to be expelled due to grades and conduct. No one could say “I’ll try harder, I’ll study more”… it was too late. The grades and consequences were written in the book. (Romans 3:23) Punishment was defined and ready to be delivered. (Romans 6:23)

Then the principal said “hold up”.. “This year in school, no one even came close to passing. All have failed and fallen short of the passing grades and deserve punishment. (Romans 3:10) I have taken your failing grades onto My own record. (Isaiah 53:6) I have accepted the punishment and consequences you deserve. (Isaiah 53:5) I have paid all the penalties. (John 19:30) And I am giving you My record — every grade is now a perfect A+. (2 Corinthians 5:21) When your record is searched, the Substitute’s perfection is found. (Philippians 3:9) Just believe and receive this gift. (Ephesians 2:8–9)”

The original report cards had ‘Expelled’ written across them, but that verdict was removed from the record, and now they read ‘Paid in Full.’ (Colossians 2:14) New ones were issued, every grade A+ — not because of effort or dedication, but because of a Perfect Substitution.

Not one student could boast. (1 Corinthians 1:29) Not one could say, “I did it!” Every student would walk across the stage holding his diploma with gratitude toward the One who saved them from expulsion.

They would have known: “I didn’t graduate because I tried harder… I graduated because Someone stepped in and took my place.” (Galatians 2:20)

That is salvation!! (Titus 3:5) School requires hard work and good grades; God requires a Savior, a perfect Substitute. (Acts 4:12) Students earn graduation through hard work; Believers receive salvation by grace through faith. (Galatians 2:16) School says, “Work harder… study more…” Jesus says, “It is finished.” (John 19:30)

Scriptures referenced-

Romans 3:23

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

Romans 6:23

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 3:10

“As it is written: ‘There is none righteous, no, not one.’”

Isaiah 53:6

“All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned, every one, to his own way; and the LORD has laid on Him the iniquity of us all.”

Isaiah 53:5

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.”

John 19:30

“… He said, ‘It is finished!’ And bowing His head, He gave up His spirit.”

2 Corinthians 5:21

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.”

Philippians 3:9

“and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith.”

Ephesians 2:8–9

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.”

Colossians 2:14

“having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross.”

1 Corinthians 1:29

“that no flesh should glory in His presence.”

Galatians 2:20

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”

Titus 3:5

“not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit.”

Acts 4:12

“Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved.”

Galatians 2:16 “knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but by faith in Jesus Christ, even we have believed in Christ Jesus, that we might be justified by faith in Christ and not by the works of the law; for by the works of the law no flesh shall be justified.”

The Addiction of a Connected Generation

 Addiction and The Connected Generation

We are living in the most connected, entertained and digitally stimulated generation in history... and it is the most spiritually starved generation as well. We can become exhausted, distracted, addicted and numb due to endless and instantaneously available gaming, scrolling, pornography, YouTube, TikTok, gambling or sports obsessions. Whatever the weakness, an unguarded heart will grab on and call it harmless.

Proverbs 4:23 NLT “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

On the surface the flesh wants to take charge, take control and say, “I got this, I can control myself” and we make a million excuses and foolishly make our foolproof plans. Delete the app, get a better filter, hide the phone, block the website, keep busy so we are not tempted... All of these things are not wrong in themselves, some actually help. But they are not the cure for the disease! The issue has never been the device, the access or the screens. The real issue has always been the heart!

Jesus said in Matthew 5 “If your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out… If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off…”

Jesus didn’t tell us to cut off a limb to fix our sin. He was pointing out the source of the problem, the heart, which is the real battleground!

Most everyone agrees that Jesus was not calling for physical amputation but was using severe language to illustrate how severe the problem really is. Our sin does not start with the lusting eye or the disobedient hand. It starts in our heart. Our eyes only look where the heart wants to go, our hands only reach for what the heart desires. Even our mind wanders because our heart is craving something. If our hearts are not transformed by God, cutting off access or cancelling our internet service does nothing.

Ezekiel 36:26 “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”

God isn’t saying I will give you more willpower, He is saying I will take out your old heart of disobedience, self-indulgence, self-seeking, prideful, arrogant, lustful desires…. And give a new heart that finds joy in the things of God.

Heart transformation will be evident! When our hearts are transformed and made new, we will have such a desire for God’s Truth and His Word that there is just not enough time left for the things that once held us in bondage! Our new heart won’t cling to old desires, it won’t hunger for the sins that used to dominate it, it won’t crave the things of darkness and

even more so the things of darkness will be revealed for what they are. Our new heart will not be satisfied with shallow distractions anymore and will find satiating joy in the things of God!

Satan lies to us and tells us to blame the thing instead of blaming him for this evil!

If I delete the app, I’ll be free.

If I hide the phone, I won’t fall.

If I get accountability, I’ll stop struggling.

If I quit gaming, I’ll stop wasting time.

While all these things can be helpful, the truth is, the problem is a defiled corrupt heart, a heart that seeks out pleasure and sin rather than the lifesaving Truth of God! The heart is naturally corrupt, it will create temptation in an empty room!

James 1:14 “But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. We like to kid ourselves and say, “But I don’t seek out sin….”

Jeremiah 17:9 says that our hearts seek it out…. If not transformed. “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked; Who can know it?”

Also, Mark 7-21:23 “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders… All these evil things come from within and defile a man.”

Apart from Christ we follow sinful desires… naturally.

Romans 8:7 “The carnal mind is enmity against God.”

Ephesians 2:3 “…fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind… and were by nature children of wrath…”

Adam gave into temptation and disobeyed God, David gave into lust and committed adultery, Peter gave into the temptation of fear and ended up denying Christ… They are only 3 examples, and they did it without WIFI, Instagram or even a smartphone!

It’s NEVER been about access; it’s ALWAYS been about our heart’s desire! We don’t need new strategies; we need a new heart!

Ephesians 5:11 “Expose the unfruitful works of darkness”.

Darkness and addiction thrive in secrecy and silence... accountability is good but not the cure! Accountability and filters don’t keep us clean, GOD does!

The list of addictions concerning screens is long and varied... whether it’s gaming, pornography, gambling, doom scrolling, sports obsession, YouTube rabbit holes, TikTok loops, spiritually deadly comparison on social media, binge-watching or fantasy worlds… Satan doesn’t care how he gets you hooked, as long as he gets you!

Pornography is one of the strongest chains Satan uses. It gets into the mind, distorts the desires of your heart, and causes your brain to crave something that destroys it. It isolates and destroys marriages, kills intimacy with God and spouses, and creates a world of shame that we never let anyone see.

And nobody talks about it because the moment we admit we’re struggling, we fear people will think less of us. We may think “If I confess I’m in bondage, I wonder what my friends would think”. So, we pretend we’re fine. We act like we are strong and protect our image of purity, but it’s often just a front. We go through life trying to protect a reputation instead of protecting our soul. The question is: “If my friends don’t know my failures, are they really my friends?” James 5:16 instructs us to “confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” Jesus was direct when He spoke about lust. He said, “Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” He knew how deep this sin goes… into our thoughts, our imagination, our desires. Porn doesn’t just affect what we do… it affects who we become.

Don’t give up! Freedom is possible! When God gives a new heart, He takes away the desire for what once controlled us, and He replaces shame with strength, freedom, and joy.

Romans 6:16 says we are slaves to whatever we obey. The way addiction works is it actually rewires the brain causing it to crave the dopamine that is released when we indulge. It steals precious time, kills our purpose in life, drains us spiritually and replaces our worship of God with the escape to an alternate reality.

All that said, the problem isn’t the platform, it’s still the heart!

Every head of the household has the job of the gatekeeper of the home. Joshua said, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”, he spoke for his household. As parents, God has entrusted us with a position of influence that we will answer for. We cannot fall asleep at the wheel and then wake up one day to realize that our job, our business, or our hobbies… the things we poured countless hours into… have no eternal value, while the souls of our children do. Our careers, money, trophies, vacations, hobbies and our status... all will not matter in eternity! Our children will! Parents, adults and teens need discernment and children need training. The enemy doesn’t wait to attack until they are old enough... he wants us all and will fight exceptionally hard for our children! If we are not guarding our

homes, placing them under the shed blood of Christ and filtering everything through the Word, the world will disciple our children!

Our lives can be wasted one phone pick up at a time. Whether it’s break time at work, a red light, boredom, or stress… if our natural reaction to quietness is to grab our phone and stare at it, we should put Psalm 46:10 on our home screen: “Be still and know that I am God.” We can forget how to be still… how to sit in silence with someone we love, how to hold the hands of our children and look into their eyes when we talk to them instead of staring at our phone while we half listen to them begging for our attention.

The enemy wants chaos and distraction, telling us we are much too busy to make both church services on Sunday or to actually study His Word instead of checking the box for reading 1 chapter. But if we cut out all the unnecessary, spiritually numbing things in our life, the free time would stack up.

One of the most successful tools of Satan today in teens, especially teen girls, is social media and the comparison trap! Social media, as it is commonly used, is functionally evil and is unashamedly designed to make you keep coming back. It is engineered to destroy contentment, feed our insecurities and distort our identity. One could spend a short time on Instagram and before they know it be discontented with everything from their car, their clothes and their body. They will envy the vacations others go on, the lifestyle others live and the opportunities other kids have. From the perceived income to the home décor of others, Satan will use every post to make us more discontented in what we have. Satan doesn’t care what you compare, as long as you compare something.

Even family group chats can innocently turn something innocent and wholesome into a comparison trap: “Look what my kid did” “Look where we went” “Look what we bought” “Look at my kids’ grades and accomplishments”. Nobody intends harm, yet someone leaves the chat feeling ‘behind’, ‘inadequate’ ,‘less than’, or just pressured to keep up.

Comparison is one of Satan’s oldest traps and social media just blew it up 1,000%.

It doesn’t only affect us emotionally, it can influence us to be discontented in our clothes and buy the latest fashions, upgrade a perfectly good car, buy what other parents buy their kids and simply project success by the lifestyle we live. There can be a fear of “looking out of place.”

Check this out... God never intended for His people to “blend in.” He intended to let us stand out. Not from being in style, luxury cars, or having the latest and greatest, but through humility, contentment, and simplicity.

If a stranger can’t tell the difference between us and the world, we may have drifted closer to the world than we think. If we look like the world, and the world is evil, then we shouldn’t be surprised when we start to look like what we follow. Scripture commands us to “Avoid even the appearance of evil”.

God doesn’t call us to blend in with a culture drowning in vanity, pride and self-promotion. He calls us to stand out by being pure in our hearts, simple in our lives and humble in our walk.

If we dress like the world with every trend, fashion and style, if we talk like the world using new, made up words and phrases that celebrities make popular, if we chase money, likes, popularity and followers... then what exactly are we set apart from??

There is nothing wrong with children enjoying a video game now and then. The problem comes when gaming becomes a priority or we are not children anymore.

When a person reaches the age of accountability, understands responsibility and the importance of living right, there should be a noticeable shift in priorities. Gaming and mindless screen time should fall, digital escapes should decline. Scripture reading and prayer should be on the increase, we should start to identify our purpose in Christ and responsibility should rise. Ephesians 5:16 still stands... “redeeming the time, because the days are evil”. A maturing Christian should not be spending hours lost in digital fantasy.

Concerning games themselves, Satan can slip in very subtly if parents are not aware of the content in the games our children play. There are also not so subtle games that professed Christians should not desire based on the pure evil that is depicted; games like Grand Theft Auto, Call of Duty, Fortnite and Overwatch. Many other games are based on the occult and horror that have no place in the believer’s life. Regarding games, cards, and board games, none are immune from dangerous themes. Ouija Boards and Dungeons & Dragons openly involve occult symbolism and spiritual concepts that directly mock or oppose God’s Word. Even games like Exploding Kittens and Pokémon, while the entry-level versions may seem mostly harmless to many Christian parents, both contain expansions and storylines that dive into dark, occult like, or spiritually inappropriate territory. These include references to spirits, curses, supernatural powers, souls of the dead, and other themes presented as entertainment. These can normalize supernatural forces apart from God and often lean toward desensitizing children to spiritual darkness... This topic requires prayer and discernment for sure!

The devil doesn’t need us to fall, just to drift, even slowly! Satan is happy when we are distracted, passive, unfocused, spiritually dull, constantly entertained, emotionally drained

and disconnected from Scripture! If he can keep us scrolling, watching, playing... especially as adults… he can keep us ineffective and lost!

Jesus said, “Cut it off”!! But not your hand or even your phone... He is really telling us with a transformed heart we will cut off the habits that feed sin, the routines that starve our soul, entertainment that dulls us spiritually and games that normalize darkness and the occult. Cutting this off is not punishment... it’s freedom!!

God wants surrender. He wants to transform our hearts in ways that rules, filters and accountability cannot. He will give us new desires, habits, priorities and new found freedom that cannot be explained.

Left unchecked and lacking discernment, the world is discipling our minds. Jesus wants to redeem us, renew our hearts and reshape our priorities and desires.

It has never been about deleting an app; it has always been about surrendering our hearts!

All glory to God!

Grace Wins!

There can be this perceived need, or maybe even a sense of duty to fix people.

To talk about them or tell them what they’re doing wrong.

To point out how they don’t measure up.

To make sure they know that we got it right and they got it wrong.

The thing is, life is a journey. Every single one of us is at a different point on that path. Just because someone’s in a different place than we are doesn’t mean we’re right. Lord only knows that six months or a year from now, we’ll probably look back and say, “I can’t believe I used to think that way.”

We change. We grow. We mature. And so does everyone else.

That’s been hitting me hard lately. Everyone’s story is wildly different,, shaped by timing, pain, growth, and life experiences. Spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, no two people are ever standing in the same exact place.

So when I see someone walking a path I might not choose, especially if they’re sincerely asking God to guide them, I need to be careful. Coming in hot with criticism or harsh correction might not be the “truth in love” I think it is… it might just be selfishness and pride in disguise.

Because if someone’s already struggling… if they already hear the enemy whispering, “You’re not good enough. You’re a failure. You’ll never be who God wants you to be,”…then our harsh words only confirm those lies.

The devil doesn’t need help convincing people they’re worthless. He’s already doing that job quite well.

Behind every smile is a battle and behind every calm face is a storm we know nothing about!! Depression is real. Anxiety is real. And sometimes, that one kind word, that hug, that listening ear, or that moment we share might be what keeps someone standing.

But the opposite is also true! One selfish word, one careless jab, one condescending tone could be the thing that pushes someone further into darkness or over the edge!

Every person longs to be seen, known, and loved. And if we can’t offer that, it’s better to step back and stay silent than to tear down.

No one needs more critics.

No one needs another voice of condemnation.

We may think we’ve got the world figured out, but the truth is… we’re all sinners saved by grace. Every single one of us.

The privilege we have isn’t to tear down… it’s to lift up. To encourage. To extend the same grace we’ve received from Christ.

And maybe, just maybe, when we stop pointing fingers and start opening arms, we’ll finally start looking a little more like Him.

We’re all learning. We’re all growing.

And in the end, grace wins. Every single time.

Add Hugs to Your Vocabulary

Growing up, it wasn’t normal to see my mom and dad be physically affectionate. My dad would give her a quick kiss when he got home from work, but not much else. I don’t doubt at all that he loved her deeply — it just wasn’t something we saw. 

The same was true for us kids. There wasn’t a lot of hugging or that kind of closeness. It wasn’t bad, it just wasn’t there. But looking back now, and seeing how I am with my own kids, I realize how big of a difference that really makes.

A hug, a hand on the shoulder, just sitting close — that stuff matters. I’ve made it a goal to change that in my own family. I make sure my kids know they’re loved not just by what I say, but by how I show it. I hug them, I hold them close, I want them to know they’re safe, seen, and valued. I do the same with my wife — in front of the kids — so they grow up seeing what love looks like, not just hearing about it.  And I’ve even learned to be that way with brothers in Christ too. A hug can say what words can’t. It says, “I see you,” and “You’re not alone.” 

I’ve read stories of grown men who said it caught them off guard the first time their dad hugged them — maybe at graduation, or their wedding — and told them, “I’m proud of you,” or “I love you.” It hit them hard because they had waited their whole lives to hear or feel that. Those moments stick forever. 

And our daughters — they need it just as much. Let your arms be the safe place they know they can always come to. I can’t say this strong enough: if our daughters don’t get that kind of affection, love, and affirmation from their dads, they’ll look for it somewhere else. If a girl doesn’t feel loved by her father, she’ll find a guy who convinces her that he does. I’ve made mistakes in this area myself, but I’m asking God to use what I’ve learned to help me do better — for my sons, for my daughters, and for any brother who needs the reminder. 

So brothers, let’s not hold back. Let’s make hugs part of our vocabulary again. It’s not weakness. It’s love made real — and sometimes that’s exactly what someone needs most.

Asking for help- is it an act of service?

Forgive me if I come across as harsh and heated, nothing personal. This is just a topic very close to my heart, and one I pray about as I try to live out my convictions. 

I have only recently changed my perspective on this and now I’ll be an ambassador. 

I read this quote and it was meant to encourage me to reach out when I'm in a dark place. The quote says, “Asking for help is an act of service. Don’t deny the people who love you the honor of being there to support you.” 

To be blunt—I think it’s backwards. 

When someone is in deep depression or carrying grief that feels unbearable, they’re not sitting around thinking, “Let me serve my friends by asking for help.” They’re thinking, “Let me find the courage to get out of bed… let me remember to feed the kids… let me find the strength to put the breakfast food away before dinner time… let me survive walking into a party where everyone’s joy makes my sadness spiral.”

Most of us, especially guys, don’t ask for help. We say we’re fine, even when we’re drowning. At our lowest, we don’t have the mental clarity or strength to reach out. The burden is already crushing enough just to survive the day. 

That’s why shifting the responsibility onto the hurting person feels like a cop-out. It lets the clear-minded friend off the hook from the harder, braver work of being proactive. Because if I am one of “the people who love them,” it’s on me to show up. To risk being intrusive, awkward, or even offensive. To bring my presence, my vulnerability, my words. That’s what can save a life. 

I once told a brother that when I was in my darkest place, I felt like I’d fallen into deep water with sharks circling. People stood on the bank with lifeboats, ropes, life preservers—everything I needed. They looked on, talked about how dangerous it must be, hoped I would survive, some even prayed for me. But they didn’t jump in, because in their minds, “If he wanted help, he’d ask.” The reality is, when you’re choking on salt water and fighting off sharks, you don’t have the breath to yell or a free hand to wave. Everything you’ve got goes into surviving the next wave. 

That’s why I can’t agree with this quote. Asking for help isn’t an act of service—it’s often not even possible. The real act of service belongs to the friend who decides to step in uninvited, who risks everything for the chance of maybe saving a life.

All this being said, I realize the burden being on the clear-minded friend is situational to an extent. Sometimes you simply won’t know the depth of someone’s struggle unless they tell you. I spoke to someone recently whose close friend confessed they had been in such a dark place that they considered suicide in the past year. This person said they had no idea, they thought their friend was happy, cheerful, and doing fine in life. That’s a sobering reminder.

Being a close, good friend means we can’t settle for surface-level friendship. It means actively looking for ways to truly be there, paying attention to what might be concerning, and being willing to proactively ask hard questions. Don’t just assume because someone looks okay that they are okay. Don’t be a surface friend.