How Can a Man Talk About God for Hours… and Still Avoid Him

I've been in and around conversations, with Bible believing church guys, that can go for hours on Old Testament history, prophecy timelines, end-times debates, connecting dots, quoting teachers, comparing online pastors, comparing interpretation, calling out false teaching, calling out other's sins... 

On the surface, it sounds solid.. 

But something always seems off. It's like a mutual back pat session.

Because the moment the conversation starts moving toward anything real... 
actual life… actual sin… actual change… accountability... vulnerability... confessing...  It gets weird, redirected or a "Oh, we're good" response.. "I don't need that, I already know how I believe"..  like why are you being nosey and getting involved in my personal business. 

Or replaced with another “interesting” topic.

I'll say the quiet part out loud: You can talk about the Bible all day and still be avoiding God. 

I've seen serval different types in conversation: 

The Debate Guy: 

Always ready to spill knowledge. He knows his stuff. He loves the debate and the argument. He's confident and rarely wrong in his own mind and actually creates debates by introducing controversial topics to guys he knows have opposing views. 

The Quote Guy:

He has a podcast or pastor quote for everything. He sounds intelligent because he's repeating 'truth' second hand. He's borrowing wisdom. 

The Surface Guy: 

Stays safe, surface level small talk, never shows vulnerability, doesn't want to go anywhere off the beaten path. 

The Performance Guy: 

Knowledge becomes an identity. Saying impressive things is the win for him. He puffs himself up to share what he knows, and checks the mental box when he get's agreement. 

The 'Intellectual' Guy 

Can discuss sin, call out sin and identify sin.. without confessing sin. Can explain holiness, can talk about but never pursue it. 

The Avoiding Guy: 

He doesn't bring anything to the table, just agrees with what was said, repeats a few lines to sound like part of it and enjoys the high from it. 

The Honest Guy: 

This is the guy who wants to be changed, asks real questions, admits his weakness fully (not just enough to sound committed), goes all in with vulnerability for the good of his soul, at all costs. 

I don't think these are personality types, I think it is a matter of how we use the Bible. Do we use it to stay in control and express our knowledge and intelligence, like 'I broke the code', I know more than you do.  Or do we us it to confront our sin and change us?  I think that we all fall under one of these types. 

I've had a guy say on multiple occasions: "my convictions and beliefs change weekly, something that I believed last week may change this week."...  Really?? That sounds stressful! How would one ever have confidence in their convictions? Why would God's truth change weekly? ... It wouldn't! God's truth never changes.. if my convictions were changing weekly, I better go back to square one and start over.  The statement sounds humble, almost like we are saying 'I am clay in the potter's hands, he changes me all the time'.   But it's not, it's not humility, it's instability. 

1Thess 5:21 "Test all things, hold fast to what is good" Hold fast, not revisit and change and revisit and change. 

James 1:8 'a double minded man is unstable in all his ways'. Is a man who changes convictions weekly what is talked about in James?

Is it possible to just talk alot about truth and scripture instead of living it? Is it possible to study about God but not submit to Him? Can we know scripture inside out without having it shape our lives?  Like "look how much I know"..  Is that spiritual maturity? 

1 Corinthians 8:1 "Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies"

What is behind surface level, theological debates that, end times debates, time lines, prophecies, breaking the code, connecting the dots, finding the best online pastor, calling out false teachers, correcting those still on the milk of the Word?  Could it be:

Pride? Fear of being exposed or wrong? Fear of needing change? Love of comfort or being seen as 'an intellectual'? 

If the subjects, teaching or books about being a better husband, being a present dad, exposing, confessing and forsaking sin, and walking in obedience make me uncomfortable.. maybe i'm not ready for things that cost something. 

I don't think the Bible was meant to just inform us, it was meant to transform us! 

Is This Our Last Time?

In life, i'm finding out I'm in the thick of it when it comes to "last times"

The last hand-hold, the last bedtime story, the last time they fall asleep on your lap.

It hitting me hard. And it should.

But it also misses something important:

The goal isn’t to hold onto those moments.
The goal is to build something stronger that replaces them as they grow up! 

Because if you’re not intentional, those moments don’t just fade…
the relationship does too.

But if you lead them right.. that connection you have with them doesn’t disappear
it changes with age. 

From Being Needed ... To Being Chosen

When your kids are little, they need you for everything.
That is they way God designed them.

As they grow up that dependance naturally lessens. 

Now they have a choice:

Do I go to Dad… or do I go somewhere else?

That’s where many fathers could lose out if they don't spend the early years demonstrating what a rock solid, safe haven they can be, with wisdom from God, grace and understanding. 

As kids get older, they may not run down on a Saturday or Sunday morning looking for you, jump on your lap for a good morning hug. 

But if you intentionally keep that going, a 'good morning' etc. 

You move from automatic affection to intentional connection.

---

From “Dad, Look!” ... To “Dad, What Do You Think?”

They won’t show you every little thing anymore.

But they will come to you...
if they value your voice.

That doesn’t happen by accident.

It comes from:

• Listening without dismissing
• Asking real questions
• Staying engaged, even when it’s not your interest

You stop being the audience…
and become a trusted voice in their life.

---

From The Public Hand Hold ... To The Deeper Public Connection

They don’t hold your hand in public.

Good. They’re growing up.

But here’s the question:

Are they still walking next to you?

That could look like:

• Arm around the shoulder
• Walking side-by-side
• Being seen together without awkwardness

That kind of connection is earned... not automatic.

---

From The Jungle Gym ... To The Training Ground

They stop climbing all over you.

But it's still time to keep building them.

Work out together.
Push each other.
Teach discipline, strength, and control.

You’re no longer the playground.

You’re their coach.

---

From The Band Aids ... To The Anchor

The bruises and scrapes go away.

Now the wounds are real:

• Rejection
• Failure
• Sin
• Confusion

They don’t just need comfort anymore.

They need truth and direction.

Galatians 6:2 
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

You don’t just say “you’ll be fine.”

You walk through it with them... shoulder to shoulder.

They are your son or daughter but also your brother and sister! 

This realization and permission with them has elevated our relationship.

---

From The Oversized Pillow ... To The Safe Place

They won’t fall asleep on your chest anymore.

But life will still wear them down.

That could look like:

• Late night conversations when we should all be sleeping
• Quiet car rides
• Times they don’t even know how to explain what’s going on

You have to remain steady and available, and sometime silent.. remember to be "quick to listen, slow to speak"

You gotta be the place they come when things are heavy.

---

From “One More Story” ... To “Share Your Wisdom”

The bedtime stories end.

Hard, real life questions begin.

This is where you step in:

• Share your experiences... good and bad
• Talk through decisions
• Help them think, not just preach to them
• The more they think through life, the better equipped they are! 

Deuteronomy 6:6–7
“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children… when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way…”

It’s not about us teaching our kids 'the lessons of life', It’s about our life that constantly pours into theirs.

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From The Last Pick Up ... To The Final 'Let Go'

One day you’ll pick them up for the last time.

You won’t know when it is.

That is preparing you for something bigger that is coming:

You start letting them stand on their own.

• Let them make decisions
• Let them feel consequences
• Let them grow

Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

We can't hold them forever.

We are meant to prepare them and release them... Let them go. 

---

From Sharing Secrets ... To The Deeper Trust

They stop telling you everything. That’s normal.

The big question is:

Do they still want to come to you?

That depends on you.

• Do you overreact?
• Do you shut them down?
• Do you make it safe to be honest?
• Do you listen without interruption?
• Are they certain, beyond the shadow of a doubt that they can bring ANYTHING to you?

You don’t need to know everything.

You need to be someone they trust with anything.

---

This Reality That Hit Me Hard

If you don’t grow with your kids…

You won’t just lose the small moments.

You’ll lose the relationship.

But if you do it right...

You don’t lose your kids.

You gain something deeper:

• Respect
• Trust
• Brotherhood (sister)
• A lifelong relationship

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The Biblical Standard

1 Corinthians 13:11
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Your job is not to keep your children small.

Your job is to walk them into maturity... without losing connection along the way.

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One Final Thought

Don’t just passively “soak in the moments.”

Build something that lasts beyond them.

Because one day…

They won’t need you.

But if you’ve done it right... 

They’ll still choose you.

Where do the years go?

 As I sit here watching my almost 5 year old run around the living room wrestling with his 8 year old brother.. I'm struck that I still hold him like he's a 2 year old.. 

I'm holding onto what is fading or has already faded fast! They used to smell like a newborn baby.. now they smell like dinner and the mud they were playing in or the fact that they missed another shower! 

He now says most of his words correctly, there was a time when he wasn't developed enough to form all his words.. now that he has correct pronunciation, it's not as cute. 

We used to walk around the block.. and I had to walk slow so he could keep up... now he rides a bike and I jog to keep up with him.. maybe I'm just getting old?!  

Looking at him play, his fat cheeks are not as fat anymore.. he's stretching out and getting taller.. where did that little chubby dude go?  

I kick myself each time I don't drop everything I am doing to read the book he asks me to. Thank God, most of the time I do put down what I'm doing when he asks. I stop building the shed to play hockey, I stop gardening to have a catch. There are still those times that selfishness kicks in and I say no, and the heartbreak that I see is evident! 

The questions and conversations that never end, they will end one day, when he realizes that he doesn't need me or Mom to have a conversation, that other people exist.. that day is coming fast.. I'm holding on, digging my heals in! 

His little mini hands are growing up and turning into boy hands instead of baby hands.. I'm not ready yet! One day I'll come home from work, and the toys will not be on the living room floor.. he will have lost interest in toys and moved onto hobbies by himself.  

One day, it will be the last time he asks to snuggle and just let me hold him, that last time he runs and jumps into my arms!  The Sunday morning when he comes down and climbs on my lap to snuggle in.. there will be a last time! The nights that he sleeps on my chair all night.. will end.. and it will probably feel empty in that bedroom that night. 

All this to say, I'm looking at him, almost 5 years old and I'm begging myself to slow down and see him! To hold him and soak up every minute. It wasn't that long ago that my 16 year old, was 'almost 5' ! 

Peter's Perspective of the Cross

Peter stood at a distance as they tore Him apart. He watched it happen. The Man he followed for years, the Son of God was being beaten beyond recognition, and Peter did nothing! He didn’t fight, he didn’t speak up… he just watched.

This was after he had said with conviction “even if all fall away… I will not.”! After all Peter had walked on water at Jesus’ command, seen dead raised, blind see, wind and waves obey! In the garden he was going to fight for Jesus, he drew a sword and cut off the guard’s ear. Jesus not only stopped him but He healed the guard! Peter must have been confused as this is not the way it was supposed to go. Jesus, who had rode in hearing “Hosanna” now surrendered without a fight, knowing He would be mocked, beaten and crucified!!

Peter still followed at a distance, far enough so he would not be noticed. Jesus was led into the courtyard where the noise must have been intense! Accusations, false witnesses shouting!! Then as mob mentality does, they started to beat Him, one blow!! then another, they blindfolded Him, struck Him and mocked Him “Prophesy to us, Christ! Who is the one who struck You?”

Peter was frozen in fear! He watched in utter disbelief “everything in him said this was wrong, but he did nothing!! then they turned toward Peter, “you were with Him”… Peter answered… “I do not know what you are saying”… “you are one of them” “I am not!” “surely you are one of them” “I do not know the man” The rooster crowed - Jesus turned and looked at Peter!

Matt 26:34 “Before the rooster crows you will deny me 3 times.”

Recalling Jesus’ words… Peter wept bitterly!

Matt 27 - Chief Priest and elders delivered Jesus to Pilate! The same voices that called out “Hosanna” just a few days ago are now shouting “crucify Him”

“Soldiers took Jesus to the courtyard… and gathered the whole garrison around Him and put a scarlet robe on Him.” The garrison contained hundreds of soldiers, they stripped Him naked, humiliated Him, they put a crown of thorns on His head! they mock worshipped Jesus. They spat on Him and struck Him on the head.

Roman soldiers didn’t just hit Him at will - they were trained killers, trained to inflict maximum pain!!

The soldiers tied Jesus to a post, stripped naked -

They brought out the scourge! Peter must have been thinking “I’ve seen this punishment before, but this was evil.” Peter watched, frozen as the first lash tore His flesh!! the second and third were too much to watch as His flesh was opened and the scourge tore into Him!!

Peter couldn’t understand why He was not stopping them. Peter might have later recalled Isaiah 52:14 “His visage was marred more than any man…”

They shoved the crown on His head, harder, blood ran in His eyes as He was barely recognizable now. They struck Him repeatedly and mocked Him, “King of the Jews”… Peter must have thought “if they only knew”… but then again “if Peter only knew what was really happening”

After that unimaginable abuse and beating, they still made Jesus carry His own cross! It is estimated that the portion that Jesus carried was rough cut lumber, weighing about 100 lb and 6 feet in length to be assembled later. Peter kept his distance, watching as Jesus fell under the weight of the cross after His body had been beaten so bad He was not recognizable. Peter did not step in to help his Lord.

When Jesus arrived at the hill where He would die, according to Roman methods Jesus was probably laid on His back, arms stretched wide and pulled, held down… then Peter heard the hammer!! each blow must have convinced him that all He had preached was over. The one who said He was the Son of God is now being murdered!! what went wrong?

When Jesus was nailed to the cross beam, it would have been lifted and fastened to the post. This would not have been a gentle process. All His weight was hanging on the nails in His wrists!! each movement would tear into Him more and more!! Psalm 22 “I am poured out like water, all my bones are out of joint”

From the beating, the whipping and brutal hammer and nails, His body was no longer aligned. He hung there!! for 3 hours in pain that can’t even be imagined! Beaten so bad He barely looked alive!! this was the darkest day in human history!! the Son of God who came to save the world hangs dying suffering… and everyone either cheered or watched and wept. As if all Peter had witnessed was not confusing enough… at the ninth hour Jesus cried out “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” The Son of God who came to save humanity was forsaken by God?

Luke 23:34 After all the brutality endured, in horrific agony with the weight of His body hanging on nails through His wrists… experiencing asphyxiation… He thought of others, in forgiveness and forgave His murderers!! “Father forgive them” Peter was struggling to forgive himself for denying Jesus and He just forgave an army of soldiers bent on the torture and murder of the Son of God!!

The dramatic days Peter was witnessing got darker… the sun went dark for three hours, the veil in the temple was torn in two (Luke 23:44) and Peter heard what might have been the most confusing words “Father, into Your hands I commit my Spirit”, “what?” the man that came to save us just willing laid down his life? And then in darkness of the world the most important words in human history were uttered… “it is finished”!!

Saturday must have been a tough day. Silence and confusion. Peter replayed everything in his mind over and over… the denial… the look… the words… “I do not know the man”. The disciples and the women surely mourned and discussed the past days events.

Sunday morning came. The women went to the tomb early to mourn, they found the tomb empty and angels reminded them what Jesus had told them, He would rise on the third day! Mary ran to the disciples “the tomb is empty”

Peter ran to the tomb to see if it was so. How confusing this must have been. From Palm Sunday Hosanna to crucify Him, watching the life be beaten out of Jesus, to an empty tomb.

Later that day Jesus met him face to face. Everything started to become clear. Peter recalled Jesus’ words from Matt 20:19 “…on the third day, He will rise again”

Isaiah 53 takes on a new meaning with this fresh imagery in our minds. Peter saw those stripes!! those wide open, bloody stripes. “He was oppressed and afflicted, yet He opened not His mouth, He was led like a lamb to the slaughter” the mind’s eye paints such a picture of Christ being led to a brutal death, yet walked as obedient as a lamb… to the same fate.

After seeing Jesus Peter might have reflected on the week. He followed Jesus and walked with Him, spoke and taught boldly for Him, but did not understand what he witnessed. Not until he watched Jesus suffer, not until he failed himself… not until he saw Him alive. what looked like defeat was never the end… it was victory!! He is Risen!! It was just the beginning.

The tomb is empty how can we remain silent?? How can we not shout and rejoice!!

The challenge: Luke 9:23 if anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.

Take up our cross doesn’t mean something like “hard times”. A cross meant one thing “death”. Public, painful death. Deny yourself. Not improve? deny desires, control, comfort, plans. deny any identity apart from Christ.

Take up your cross is not just inconvenience or a season… it’s lifelong… it’s reputation being put aside, our comfort and rights being second. what does Christ want of me… no matter the cost!

We obey even when it costs friends and relationships. We speak truth when it’s easier to stay quiet. We walk away from sin and addiction we still want. We give up control! We stop building a life around ourselves, trying to be a “somebody”, stop trying to self improve to better my reputation and influence with men.

Peter lived this example: He was beaten, imprisoned and killed because his life was not his own.

Galatians 2:20 says it clearly “I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me”

In my life… what do I refuse to lay down and nail to the cross?

Understanding Before Judgment

 

You can learn a lot about someone by how they talk, how they listen and even how they refuse to talk.

There’s a mindset that shows up too often in conversations:
Someone speaks first, assumes they already know what’s going on, and shuts down before understanding starts.

This mindset treats questions like they are attacks. Clarification is rejected with statements like "I already know what I believe". When explanations are offered, even written opinions, they are rejected and treated like a threat.  Their certainty seems like a shield instead of something to consider. 

That’s not dialogue. That’s a monologue made to look like a discussion.

Ask yourself, if explanation feels threatening, if it does, understanding was never the goal.

There are two mindsets and goals in a conversation:

The first mindset says, “I see enough to judge. I don’t need context. Your explanation is just excuses.”
That mindset brings division, misunderstanding, and resentment.

The other mindset says, “Help me understand. What am I missing? There may be more than I'm seeing.”
That doesn’t shut the conversation down or assume we are right. It simply insists we slow down long enough to listen.

This is key- Giving someone the benefit of the doubt in love isn’t weak. It’s wisdom. If you always give the benefit of the doubt, how can it not be a win-win?

When in that discussion, ask yourself this, 
What don’t I know yet?
Have I asked, or have I only assumed?
Am I trying to understand or trying to win?

Love doesn’t rush to judgment.
Love slows down long enough to understand. 

Slowing down and listening is not optional it’s essential. 

All glory to God —

Sit down and shut up (I tell myself)

 After years of shirking God's tug on my heart, the happenings in the last 2 years caused me to sit up and listen to what God was putting on my heart. With the encouragement from a brother I took a step of faith that God was indeed calling me and started a Christian Brotherhood Group. We meet a few times a month and it's been an amazing experience. It's hard to put it into words because it is just a dozen or so guys sitting in a living room talking.. but, we invite the Holy Spirit in to lead and guide... that makes all the difference. That being said, anyone who knows me knows I am a talker, which can be annoying if there are a dozen other guys there. I am working specifically on being a listener in all areas of my life, whether at work, with friends, at home or in a meeting. Also, I am seen by the guys as the leader since I initiated the meetings but I give it all to God to lead. 

Something that is being made very clear to me is as a leader I sometimes unintentionally take up more time and space than I realize. If I think every comment or question needs to be followed by my response, people can feel processed instead of heard, even when my intent is good. Silence isn’t a problem I need to fix.. it’s where reflection, honesty and vulnerability can grow.

Not every question needs my answer. Sometimes a brother is saying his own words out loud for the first time, and what he shared simply needs room to sit. And when a question does need answering, as a leader I can set an example by sitting back and letting others speak first, being genuinely interested in hearing perspectives other than my own.

I already know what I think. Growth comes from learning what others think, not from restating my own thoughts.

My voice matters. Making room for others’ voices strengthens the whole group.

I can honestly say that when I shut up and listen.. it's awesome what I hear.. when I listen to hear and understand instead of listen to respond, it's awesome.  

All glory to God-

Lord, send me... (surely You wouldn't!)

I recently heard someone offering a prayer to God, and part of it said:

“Yes, Lord, we will go where You want us to go… which is most likely right where we are.”

That comment got my attention.

It started with the language of obedience, go where You want us to go, and then neutralized. Surrender was acknowledged and then explained away. The door was opened long enough to sound faithful and then shut and we go back to our comfort zone.

A statement like that can sound harmless and practical.

I mean, why would God call me to foster a child?
Why would He call me to start a Bible study for the homeless?
Why would He call me to collect clothes for the needy, build homes with Habitat for Humanity, step away from a comfortable career, or start a church where I don’t know anyone, drive 40 minutes out of my way every week, to sit in the cold to talk to one lonely man I met outside a gas station..?

Why would He ask me to do something that seems crazy… when staying “right where I am” is the most comfortable, passive thing I can do?

Don’t get me wrong, I understand that God often does call people to be faithful right where they are. Scripture shows that. It's not whether God sometimes tells us to stay. The issue is the assumption that He probably will... and the comfort that assumption provides before our obedience is ever tested.

That simple follow-up phrase... “which is most likely right where we are”   is subtle, but powerful. It lowers expectations. It reassures us that God will never ask you to do something that would disrupt our lives. It's almost like we assume God says, 'Relax… your calling won’t cost you anything'.

That’s not how the apostles understood calling. They took it seriously, knowing full well it could, and often did, cost them their lives.

That prayer gave us the idea of radical obedience and then squashed it. Almost like saying, God is gathering an army for His purposes… but whoa whoa, relax, sit back down, it’s probably not you.

We cannot acknowledge His call and then set boundaries around it and surrender on our terms.

And when this kind of language comes from a pulpit, it’s not just them telling us their personal opinion, it can train the way people think.

Does comfort equal obedience?
Is our calling simply to stay where we are, do what we already do, and remain comfortably unchanged?

Can we honestly pray, “God, I’ll go wherever You want me to go,” while assuming He will never ask us to do something that rearranges our lives?

Isaiah’s calling was anything but comfortable. At one point, God told him to walk naked and barefoot for three and a half years, and he obeyed (Isaiah 20). Isaiah could have easily responded, “C'mon God, I'm sure You don’t mean all my clothes… or that long.” He just obeyed.

Paul didn’t plan his journeys around convenience. He knew what he was signing up for... the beatings, prison, torture, and still sang praises in chains, thanking God that he was found worthy to suffer.

Prayers that sound reasonable can be dangerous. They can sound bold and ready while protecting us from interruption.

The real question isn’t whether we say we’re willing. It’s whether we’re actually willing to have our lives disrupted for the work of the Lord… for the Great Commission.

We can’t talk boldly like disciples while not being willing to live like disciples, as scary and intimidating as that can be!

We can’t sing about being sent and never expect to go.
We can’t pray “Send me” and already make up our minds that He would not actually send us, afterall it would disrupt our schedule.

If that’s our position and belief, we shouldn’t be surprised if we never recognize His voice when He does call.

The problem isn’t that God isn’t calling.
It’s that we’ve learned to explain why there is no way it could mean me!