Asking for help- is it an act of service?

Forgive me if I come across as harsh and heated, nothing personal. This is just a topic very close to my heart, and one I pray about as I try to live out my convictions. 

I have only recently changed my perspective on this and now I’ll be an ambassador. 

I read this quote and it was meant to encourage me to reach out when I'm in a dark place. The quote says, “Asking for help is an act of service. Don’t deny the people who love you the honor of being there to support you.” 

To be blunt—I think it’s backwards. 

When someone is in deep depression or carrying grief that feels unbearable, they’re not sitting around thinking, “Let me serve my friends by asking for help.” They’re thinking, “Let me find the courage to get out of bed… let me remember to feed the kids… let me find the strength to put the breakfast food away before dinner time… let me survive walking into a party where everyone’s joy makes my sadness spiral.”

Most of us, especially guys, don’t ask for help. We say we’re fine, even when we’re drowning. At our lowest, we don’t have the mental clarity or strength to reach out. The burden is already crushing enough just to survive the day. 

That’s why shifting the responsibility onto the hurting person feels like a cop-out. It lets the clear-minded friend off the hook from the harder, braver work of being proactive. Because if I am one of “the people who love them,” it’s on me to show up. To risk being intrusive, awkward, or even offensive. To bring my presence, my vulnerability, my words. That’s what can save a life. 

I once told a brother that when I was in my darkest place, I felt like I’d fallen into deep water with sharks circling. People stood on the bank with lifeboats, ropes, life preservers—everything I needed. They looked on, talked about how dangerous it must be, hoped I would survive, some even prayed for me. But they didn’t jump in, because in their minds, “If he wanted help, he’d ask.” The reality is, when you’re choking on salt water and fighting off sharks, you don’t have the breath to yell or a free hand to wave. Everything you’ve got goes into surviving the next wave. 

That’s why I can’t agree with this quote. Asking for help isn’t an act of service—it’s often not even possible. The real act of service belongs to the friend who decides to step in uninvited, who risks everything for the chance of maybe saving a life.

All this being said, I realize the burden being on the clear-minded friend is situational to an extent. Sometimes you simply won’t know the depth of someone’s struggle unless they tell you. I spoke to someone recently whose close friend confessed they had been in such a dark place that they considered suicide in the past year. This person said they had no idea, they thought their friend was happy, cheerful, and doing fine in life. That’s a sobering reminder.

Being a close, good friend means we can’t settle for surface-level friendship. It means actively looking for ways to truly be there, paying attention to what might be concerning, and being willing to proactively ask hard questions. Don’t just assume because someone looks okay that they are okay. Don’t be a surface friend.

The modern day Temple of God

Temples of the Holy Spirit

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This study begins with a look at the ancient Temple of Solomon — its beauty, its precision, and the holy presence it was built to house.

Thousands of years later, that same holiness still matters.

Scripture now calls our bodies “the temple of the Holy Spirit,” and through this study, we explore what that means for our lives today. How does something built of gold and stone still speak to us — flesh and blood — in the modern world?

Because the Word is living. And the Temple still stands.

Now, it’s us.

This is not a study of guilt or shame, but a call to awakening, to understanding, and to holy stewardship. God doesn’t reveal truth to condemn us, but to transform us — to shape us into vessels that honor Him.

Romans 14:19, (NKJV)  “Therefore let us pursue the things which make for peace and the things by which one may edify another.”

Hebrews 4:12,(NKJV)  “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword…”

Let every truth we encounter build us up — not tear us down — as we seek to glorify God in the temples He now calls His own.

Section 1: The Temple of Solomon

Solomon’s Temple stood as one of the greatest wonders of the ancient world — a physical manifestation of God's glory among His people. Every stone, every beam, every carving, every overlay of gold was ordered by divine wisdom. It was not just a building. It was a sanctuary — a place where God's very presence chose to dwell.

King David, a man after God’s own heart, had a strong desire to build a permanent earthly house for God. For over 400 years, the Ark of the Covenant — the visible sign of God's presence — had been kept in a tent. It troubled David that the Lord of Hosts was still dwelling in a tent while he himself lived in a palace.

But God told David that he would not build it. The honor would go to his son, Solomon, who  began building the Temple in the fourth year of his reign.

1 Kings 6:2 (NKJV) "Now the house which King Solomon built for the LORD, its length was sixty cubits, its width twenty, and its height thirty cubits."

That translates to about 90 feet long, 30 feet wide, and 45 feet high. It was not just an ordinary building. Its walls were carved with cherubim, palm trees, and open flowers. Its doors were made of olive wood and etched with designs. The entire interior — ceilings, walls, floors — was overlaid with pure gold. Even the hinges on the doors were golden.

To put the grandeur of this into perspective, very conservative estimates put the amount of pure gold used in the Temple to be over 2,000 tons!

At the center of the temple stood the Holy of Holies — the inner sanctuary. A perfect cube, completely overlaid in gold, where the Ark of the Covenant rested beneath the wings of two towering golden cherubim. The very construction of the Temple was done with reverence: Stones were cut and shaped in the quarry, off-site so that no hammer or chisel would disturb the peace of the Temple Mount. It was sacred holy ground!

1 Kings 6:7 (NKJV) “And the temple, when it was being built, was built with stone finished at the quarry, so that no hammer or chisel or any iron tool was heard in the temple while it was being built.”

Solomon’s Temple was not just a building. It was a covenant made visible — it declared that God's holiness required beauty, purity, and order. It was sacred. Set apart. Built for God and God alone.

1 Kings 6:12–13 (NKJV) "Concerning this temple which you are building, if you walk in My statutes, execute My judgments, keep all My commandments, and walk in them, then I will perform My word with you, which I spoke to your father David. And I will dwell among the children of Israel, and will not forsake My people, Israel."

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Section 2: Gateways to the Heart

Just as Solomon’s Temple had guarded gates, sacred spaces, and daily maintenance, so too we must guard the gates of our own bodies — the eyes and the ears.

Proverbs 4:23 (NKJV) "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life."

Psalm 101:3 (NKJV) "I will set nothing wicked before my eyes."

Matthew 6:22–23 (NKJV) "The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness."

Every image we watch, every sound we hear, every word we listen to — these are not harmless. They are either light entering the temple or darkness defiling it.

Pornography that desecrates the purity of the heart. Endless video shorts and mindless entertainment that waste very precious hours of life. TV shows and movies that glorify violence, sexual sin, rebellion, and idolatry. Video games rooted in bloodshed, war and murder, disguised as entertainment. The worship of sports and celebrities, consuming attention meant for God even on the Lord’s Day!

Every gate we fail to guard invites defilement into the Most Holy Place within us — the heart.

Solomon’s Temple required daily attention — lamps trimmed, altars tended to, incense offered. Neglect would have caused decay, filth, and eventual ruin.

Our bodies require the same attention.

Proverbs 6:9–11 (NKJV) "How long will you slumber, O sluggard? When will you rise from your sleep? A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep — So shall your poverty come on you like a prowler, and your need like an armed man."

Ecclesiastes 10:18 (NKJV) "Because of laziness the building decays, and through idleness of hands the house leaks."

Neglecting our bodies — ignoring physical movement, embracing laziness, refusing to care for the vessel God indwells — is not a small thing. It is a slow, silent form of spiritual erosion. Regular exercise is wisdom as long as it is done in a proper perspective and not in vanity.

Section 3: Graffiti on the Temple Walls

Solomon’s Temple was overlaid with pure gold — carved with cherubim, palm trees, and open flowers. Every design was commissioned by divine instruction and crafted by God-ordained artists.

There was no casual carving. There were no unauthorized marks. Every inch belonged to God — and was to be treated with reverence!

Imagine the shock if someone had defaced those golden walls — spray painting personal designs on the sacred panels, boring random holes into the doors of the Holy Place or changing the color God chose. It would have been considered unthinkable. Death would surely have followed.

And yet today, many believers casually mark, pierce, dye and permanently alter the temple of the Holy Spirit without a second thought.

Leviticus 19:28 (KJV) "Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the Lord."

In ancient times, tattoos and cuttings were deeply connected to pagan worship, mourning rituals, and idol devotion. God's command was clear: You are not to imitate the defiling practices of the nations.

Today, the modern reasons may differ — but the spiritual reality has not changed. The temple still belongs to God. Our bodies are not our own to decorate or desecrate at will.

1 Corinthians 6:19–20 (NKJV) "Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you...? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

Similarly, piercings — decorative, body-altering piercings — are like boring holes into the doors of the Temple!

Would a priest have tolerated someone drilling holes, no matter how small, in the sacred panels of Solomon’s Temple for fashion? Would God have remained silent if the golden doors were riddled with unnecessary cuts, holes, or foreign symbols?

Then why would we assume He feels differently about the living temples He now inhabits?

Anyone who has already marked, pierced, or altered their bodies: There is hope in Christ! The blood of Jesus and forgiveness are available to all who repent and turn from their sin! Healing and restoration are real!

But let us never mistake grace as permission to continue defiling the temple. When we know the truth and continue in casual disregard, it becomes willful rebellion against the One who bought us.

Moving forward — our choices matter. Repentance for past defilement brings grace. But reverence for God’s temple must shape every decision from this day on!

“We are not our own. We were bought with a price”. Let us treat our bodies with the same holy awe Solomon gave to the Temple of the Lord.

 

Section 4: God’s Original Provision

When God created the world, His design for nourishment was pure, simple, and life-sustaining.

Genesis 1:29 (NKJV) "And God said, 'See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food.'"

Genesis 9:3 (NKJV) "Every moving thing that lives shall be food for you. I have given you all things, even as the green herbs."

The original intention for feeding the body was whole foods:

Real plants. Real fruits & vegetables. Real animal foods — untainted, unprocessed, direct from God’s creation. Today’s modern "foods" are a far cry from God’s provision:

Bleached and Enriched Grains: Natural nutrients stripped out, then replaced with synthetic substitutes.

Processed Sugars and Chemical Additives: Industrial byproducts repackaged as "safe."

Synthetic Vitamins: Lab-created imitations of God’s original nutrients.

Flavor Engineering: Artificial flavors replacing real taste.

James 1:17 (NKJV) “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.”

Every whole fruit, vegetable and animal is from God.

John 10:10 (NKJV) “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy

Satan takes all that is ‘good and perfect’ and breathes corruption into it.

Processed foods are not gifts from God. They are distortions of His design — and consuming them habitually dishonors the temple.

Blessing food in prayer is right — but prayer does not turn corruption into nourishment. We need to make the best choices we can with what is available to us. There is no doubt that God can nourish the body with whatever is available, after all, He IS the Creator, Sustainer and Miracle Worker! Our choices and stewardship still matter.

Galatians 6:7 (NKJV) "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap."

We are not called to mock God’s design by treating His temple with disregard.

In Solomon’s Temple, sacrifices had to be perfect — not defective or polluted.

Leviticus 22:20–21 (NKJV) "Whatever has a defect, you shall not offer, for it shall not be acceptable on your behalf... it must be perfect to be accepted; there shall be no defect in it."

Today, we are called to offer our bodies as living sacrifices.

Romans 12:1 (NKJV) "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service."

Holy stewardship means, choosing foods close to God's original creation and honoring His design with gratitude and reverence.

Don’t miss this:

Even as we honor God's design in food, our hope is not in food itself! Our healing, health and strength come from God alone! The food we eat does not make us healthy or fit, instead the food we choose can honor God’s design or reflect the brokenness of human excess...

Exodus 15:26 (NKJV) "For I am the Lord who heals you."

Eating can actually be a form of worship—When we eat with gratitude, take care of our bodies, and don’t let food control us, we’re living in a way that respects how God made us. But when eating is all about comfort, addiction, control, or appearance, it can start pointing more toward ourselves than toward Him. It’s not about perfection in what we eat—it’s about seeking God’s will and having a right heart attitude.

We eat wisely not because food saves us — but because we are His, and honoring the body He created is an act of worship. In today’s world, our cravings are no longer shaped solely by hunger or natural cues. Instead, they are deliberately manipulated by the food industry to drive overconsumption. It’s all about money! This is an admitted strategy.

Manufacturers employ scientists to create what author James Clear calls “hyper-palatable” foods in his book Atomic Habits — meals designed to target our God-given reward circuits through artificial combinations of salt, sugar, and fat.

They exploit God’s design by over-stimulating it. The “bliss point” is the exact combination of flavors that makes us crave more and more!

“Dynamic contrast” (think of crunchy chips with creamy dip or crispy crust with melted cheese) keeps our mouth entertained — making us eat way beyond satisfaction or what our body requires.

“Oro-sensation” describes how food feels in our mouth, engineered for maximum pleasure. Entire departments are dedicated to this in major food manufacturers.

We’re no longer feeding the temple.

We’re feeding cravings and addiction.

We were not designed to be ruled by flavor. The real danger is not weight gain — it’s spiritual dullness. When our appetites are governed by manufactured manipulation, we can no longer hear the quiet voice of discipline and self-control.

Proverbs 25:28 (NKJV) “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit [and body]  is like a city broken down, without walls.”

1 Corinthians 9:27 (NKJV)  “But I discipline my body and bring it into subjection...”

And according to Galatians 5:23.. self control is a ‘fruit of the spirit’.

We are temples — not amusement parks.

We were created to be governed by the Spirit, not food manufacturers seeking gluttony and addiction. This is not merely a health issue — it’s a holiness issue. When we reach for junk food to comfort, distract, feed an addiction, or feel rewarded, we’re trying to fill a space that only God was meant to satisfy. Overconsumption and gluttony is not just lack of control — it’s misplaced worship. The “bliss point” cannot be our goal — obedience has to be! Manipulating foods to maximize the taste and addictiveness cannot be God’s design. It just can’t be! Eating is not entertainment — it is fuel for our bodies, fuel for His Temple, it is obedience.

This understanding reflects James Clear’s Second Law of Behavior Change — “Make it attractive.” He says to make a habit stick, we must make it attractive. The world does this to hook us. But we can reverse this. We can make purity attractive, make obedience rewarding and make God's design desirable again. Let us refuse to let synthetic cravings rule how we treat God’s dwelling.

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Section 5: Reverence Then — Reverence Now

Solomon’s Temple was not just beautiful — it was exceptionally holy. It was approached with awe, trembling, and fear. Only the High Priest could enter the Most Holy Place — and only once a year, with extensive cleansing, or else he would die! God’s presence was so pure, so powerful, that any casual, defiled approach was deadly.

Today, many believers treat the indwelling presence of God lightly. We binge worldly entertainment. We eat whatever we desire without thought. We neglect our bodies. We open our eyes, ears, and hearts to unclean things. Do we forget the Holy Spirit is not a casual guest. He is the Almighty dwelling within.. within His Temple.

God requires us to be guarding the temple gates (eyes, ears, mind) maintaining the structure (exercise, cleanliness, care) offering pure sacrifices (nutrition and avoiding corruption) and fleeing defilement (idolatry, immorality, pride).

Holy fear is not terror — it is awe and love. It is the awareness that the Almighty, the Creator of all things, has chosen to dwell within our mortal bodies.

It should humble us daily. It should sharpen our daily choices. It should drive us to worship, repentance, and careful stewardship.

Section 6: The Temple Was Cleansed Regularly

Solomon’s Temple, though constructed with gold, perfection, and the finest craftsmanship, still required regular purification: Sacrifices for atonement - Cleansing of the altars - Washing of sacred vessels - Removal of anything unclean or corrupt.

The presence of God demanded ongoing maintenance — not because His power was lacking, but because human corruption constantly crept in.

Even as Spirit-filled believers — even as living temples of the Holy Spirit — we still require regular confession, cleansing, and renewal. Not because the Holy Spirit abandons us, but because sin defiles the heart, laziness breeds decay and small compromises open doors to greater defilements.

Without repentance, the temple becomes polluted. The presence of God becomes grieved. When the gates to our hearts (The Holy of Holies) are left open, corruption creeps in, the fire fades and the walls start to crumble.

1 John 1:9 (NKJV) "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

Psalm 51:10 (NKJV) "Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me."

Confession, whether to God or each other, is not weakness — it is spiritual strength.

It is the daily washing that keeps the sanctuary pure. It is the humble admission that we cannot maintain holiness on our own. It is declaring that we desire the Holy Spirit’s presence more than comfort or compromise.

When we repent — whether from laziness, indulgence, impurity, neglect, or rebellion — God promises to cleanse and restore!

Isaiah 1:18 (NKJV) "Come now, and let us reason together, says the Lord, Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, they shall be as wool."

Daily repentance keeps the temple pure.  God's forgiveness restores what was broken. A pure temple invites more of God's presence and power

Section 7: The Body of Christ

While Scripture teaches that each believer is a temple of the Holy Spirit individually, it also reveals that together, as the Church, we are being built into a holy dwelling for God.

Ephesians 2:19–22 (NKJV) "Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone, in whom the whole building, being fitted together, grows into a holy temple in the Lord, in whom you also are being built together for a dwelling place of God in the Spirit."

The corporate Temple — the Body of Christ — is affected by the holiness or corruption of each of its members. One believer’s casual defilement can weaken the Church as a whole through influence and acceptance. One believer’s laziness can affect the sharpness and alertness of the Church body. One believer’s repentance and encouragement strengthens the entire body of believers!

1 Corinthians 3:16–17 (NKJV) "Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are."

This is not just individual. Paul’s language here seems plural — directed to the whole congregation. To defile God's people is not a small offense. It is a sin against the One who dwells among us as a corporate temple. We are not just accountable for our own holiness — we are responsible for encouraging, guarding, and building up the Temple of God around us.

As a corporate Temple we have a calling:

We are called to encourage one another daily (Hebrews 3:13), exhort one another to holiness (Hebrews 10:24-25), carry one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2), speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) and protect the sacredness of the Body (1 Corinthians 12:25-27)

Your holiness affects more than just you. Your stewardship reaches beyond your personal life. You are a living part in the great Temple of God.

We are individually temples, but together we are one Temple and our personal choices either strengthen or weaken the Body.. So let us build holiness together to bring greater glory to Christ

Section 8: Wisdom not guilt

This study is not shared to cause guilt or make accusations. It is not about earning favor with God through perfect food choices, exercise routines, or lifestyle habits. It’s about exploring — humbly and seriously — what it really means that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit. It is an incredibly exciting journey through the scriptures to study what God really desires of His Temples!

We can ask ourselves these questions:

How does God instruct us to care for His temple?

What does He call us to put into it?

How does He call us to maintain it, protect it, and offer it back to Him?

What would it look like to glorify God in what we eat, what we drink, what we consume?

What would it look like to honor Him with what we allow through our eyes and ears?

What would it look like to treat our bodies — and our hearts — as sacred, holy ground?

What would it look like to offer God our best ?

These might all be tough questions.. God’s Word has the answer!

James 1:5 (NKJV) "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him."

If we don’t know where to begin... If we feel overwhelmed... If we’ve failed many times before...

We just need to ask!

God gives wisdom freely to those who ask sincerely — without scolding, without reproach, without shame.

It’s about honoring the One who chose to dwell inside you and purchased us with His blood!

1 Corinthians 6:20 (NKJV) "You are not your own. You were bought at a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

It’s time we “Guard the gates” and “Cleanse the sanctuary”

Offer your body — and your life — as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God

The King of Glory dwells within you. Let your temple reflect His worth!

 

References:

• The Holy Bible (NKJV) – All Scripture quotations
• James Clear – Atomic Habits
• Stephan Guyenet, Neuroscientist
• Matthew Henry – Commentary on 1 Corinthians 6:19–20
• Christianity.com – Articles on holiness, temple theology, and stewardship
• TheTwoCities.com – Commentary on Romans 12:1

• John MacArthur – Reverence and sanctification
• David Guzik – Commentary on Temple construction and worship purity
• A.W. Tozer – The Pursuit of God

• Michael Pollan – In Defense of Food, The Omnivore’s Dilemma (whole food vs. processed food)
• Dr. Josh Axe – Biblical perspectives on food as God-designed fuel
• Gary Taubes, Nina Teicholz – Processed sugar, fat, and food industry critiques

 

 

When Brotherhood defiles the Temple of the Holy Spirit

For the last 20 years, I've longed to be part of something deeper--some kind of Christian group, and eventually, a men's group. I prayed about it on and off for years. Then in 2021, I stumbled across Men's Alliance online. I binged their podcast, read their website, watched the videos--and I was hooked. The concept resonated deeply: a one-hour weekly gathering--30 minutes of hard physical exercise and 30 minutes of devotion, each led by one of the attending men. Their creed aligned with my own beliefs. I was genuinely excited. 

But the closest group was over an hour away. With work and family, that was just too much. Still, I kept praying. And then a few weeks ago, I checked again--and saw that a new group had formed in my city, just 30 minutes away. I had no reason not to go. 

That first visit was a great experience. The workout was rigorous--I was pushed to my limit. The devotion time was encouraging and real. I left feeling uplifted. A few days later, our local leader sent us a link to the latest Men's Alliance podcast. In it, the founder recapped their recent national gathering, where tribes from across the country came together for a weekend. 

That podcast stopped me in my tracks. 

He spoke of sharing cigars with Christian brothers, of enjoying beers together, posting photos of it and even mentioned that Men's Alliance now has its own branded cigars they hand out from time to time. As someone who had just been studying the biblical temple--Solomon's in the Old Testament and our bodies as the temple of the Holy Spirit in the New--I couldn't ignore the collision. So I went back to their website. 

FAQ #20 hit me like a punch to the gut: 

"I think smoking cigars is sinful and I believe Jesus turned water into non-alcoholic grape juice. Is Men's Alliance right for me?" Their answer: "NO." 

No conversation. No grace. Just a flat rejection. 

That's when everything came into focus. I saw this for what it really was--not just a men's group, but a culture with immovable lines drawn around indulgence. If you don't accept it, you're not welcome. 

And followed up by the founder of Men's Alliance, David Mills saying "If you refuse to associate with a life-changing men’s ministry because they smoke cigars and have tattoos, just know that you’re sitting at the Pharisee table." .. Well David, just because you say it, does not make it truth. Scripture is truth, full stop. Scripture says do not defile the temple.. of which you are... Tattoos are not the same as smoking cigars as they are a one time permanent mark, and while they are definitely a defilement of the Temple of the Holy Spirit, they can be repented of and stopped getting more. Smoking and breathing smoke and toxins into the Temple of the Holy Spirit on an ongoing basis is an entirely different story. I am in no way saying I'm better than you as your pharisee statement would suggest. That type of comment is a slippery slope to allow all types of sin to creep in and shun all accountability from brothers. I know recovered drug addicts that started with smoking, I know recovered alcoholics that all started with 1 beer. They will all tell you that it started with one...

Hebrews 3:13 (NKJV):   
“But exhort one another daily, while it is called ‘Today,’ lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.”

The flat out "NO" negates the purpose of this verse, they ban exhortation by saying if you don't agree with us, you are a pharisee... don't come. ..   

Are they on their way to being 'hardened through the deceitfulness of sin'? They promote smoking and drinking.. 

1 Thessalonians 5:22 (KJV)
"Abstain from all appearance of evil."

Would a photo of a guy with a fat cigar in his mouth holding a beer appear to be Godly or evil?  What's next smoking in the pulpit and beers in the church parking lot?

This open letter is a plea. A warning. A call to re-examine what kind of temple we are building. If you've found this, it's likely not by accident. This blog isn't promoted. It lies hidden online, quietly waiting for the one who was meant to read it. If that's you, may the Holy Spirit speak clearly. 

As believers, we aren't our own. 

"Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's." (1 Corinthians 6:19-20, NKJV) 

That's not metaphor. It's not legalism. It's Scripture. When you intentionally inhale toxins for enjoyment--especially as a leader of men--you're not honoring the temple. You're defiling it. 

Let's talk about what Paul said: 

"It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak." (Romans 14:21, NKJV) 

"Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never again eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble." (1 Corinthians 8:13, NKJV) 

Paul wasn't just defending freedom--he was modeling spiritual maturity: giving up even permissible things for the good of his brother. That's what real leadership does. 

So what kind of leadership responds to conviction with "NO, don't come"? 

Yes, Jesus turned water into wine. But He didn't build a brand around it. He didn't call men to Himself over drinks and cigars. He didn't make fellowship dependent on comfort or indulgence.  Jesus built His brotherhood on truth, repentance, self-denial, and mission. 

Any group that builds its identity around cigars and beer, and then excludes anyone who challenges that, isn't practicing Christlike strength. It's hiding behind Christian culture while refusing to be corrected. 

It's not weakness to reject what defiles the temple. It's not legalism to pursue purity. It's worship. 

A true tribe of Christian men will: 

- Welcome conviction - Pursue holiness 

- Lay down freedoms for the sake of others 

- Sharpen one another toward righteousness--not just ritual 

What we normalize in brotherhood becomes the ceiling of what we expect from each other. If we lower that ceiling with every cigar and cold beer, we are shaping a generation of men to confuse spiritual strength with social comfort. 

I pray that the man who's been quietly questioning would find courage. 

That the leader who's gotten comfortable would be stirred awake. 

This post is not for everyone. It's for the one God sent here.

The Healing Power of Jesus

 I am sharing a testimony of God's merciful healing in obedience to  Mark 5:19 (NKJV)

“Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you.”

For a few years I experienced great pain in my knee, often so intense that it would not support me. It was always sore and on occasions that I may be active the pain would last for a few days. When I walked down steps or down hills the pain was almost unbearable. A year or so ago I started wearing a 'compression sleeve' on that knee and I experienced less pain and discomfort. About 6 months ago I purchased a 'special brace' that would 'hold things in place' and it greatly lessened the pain. A few weeks ago, I planned on going on a hike and instead of asking God to protect me from pain or injury I turned to my brace- but after driving 30 minutes to our destination I realized I left the brace at home! At that moment God inspired me to understand His truth in this matter. I prayed "God you know my body, you know my pain, I am fearfully and wonderfully made, you can heal everything, protect me on the trails and give me the healing and strength I know you have for me, in Jesus' powerful name!"   We hiked for over an hour and in returning to the car, I realized that my knee not only didn't have pain but it was not even sore. The following day we hiked on a more rugged trail and I was able to climb rocky cliffs and run with my children. A few weeks later at the church picnic, out of habit I packed my brace since I thought I may play sports. When the game started I realized that I brought it out of fear and lack of faith that my healing was final. I played aggressive games and experienced no pain, at one point falling hard on that knee. When unpacking at home our school age son asked, "Dad, if you believed you were fully healed, why did you take your brace to the park". I confessed that I didn't believe that my healing was final and that it may come back!  And one step further that if I believed I was healed for good, I would throw out every brace, band and other man made crutch that we keep on hand 'just in case God is slow to heal me or the pain returns.  I believe that God waited patiently for those years of pain for me to throw off every man made crutch and put my faith in Him. "The God who heals" 

James 2:17 “Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” saying I trusted God while using a crutch of the world prevented me from learning what God patiently waited to teach me. 

James 2:22 (NKJV)
“Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect?”

Faith isn't proven by words—it’s proven by acting like the promise is already real.

Acts 3:7–8 (NKJV)
“And he took him by the right hand and lifted him up, and immediately his feet and ankle bones received strength. So he, leaping up, stood and walked and entered the temple with them—walking, leaping, and praising God.”

When God healed, the man didn’t ease into it—he leaped. No trial run. Full trust.

Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Faith treats the unseen promise like a done deal. 

Luke 9:62 (NKJV)
“But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.’”

When we step forward in faith, we don’t keep glancing back for security. If we keep the brace in the drawer or the crutches in the closet we 'know' we have a Plan-B if God doesn't fulfill His promise! 

We are second guessing the Original "Promise Keeper", doubting "The Lord who heals you". 

I thank God alone for the healing and comfort and pray daily that He keeps my eyes on Him, my mind pure and ONLY seeking His truth! 

In the mighty, healing name of Jesus! 

John 15: He is the vine, I choose to remain connected

Reading John 15 yesterday morning got me searching and something finally made clearer sense after all these years. Something elementary that I've heard in church a hundred times. 

It struck me with fresh clarity and created some great discussion for the ride home with the children. 

John 15:1-8 (NKJV)

“I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.
Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away; and every branch that bears fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit.
You are already clean because of the Word which I have spoken to you.
Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.
“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.
If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.
If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.
By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; so you will be My disciples.

Jesus says, “I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser.” As believers, we could take for granted that we are “in” or "secure"—but this chapter reminded me that we were grafted in by grace, not born righteous. We were once wild branches, far from the life of God, but through Christ, we’ve been brought near, nourished by the Vine Himself and continually pruned by the Vinedresser.

This is what I read with more clarity: (v. 2) “Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away” (v. 6), and “If anyone does not abide in Me, he is cast out as a branch and is withered; and they gather them and throw them into the fire, and they are burned.”. This isn’t necessarily about losing salvation over mistakes—it’s about rejecting our lifeline and turning our backs on our source of life itself! It's a sober warning: abiding isn’t passive. We are called to remain, to cling to Jesus, to draw life from Him daily. To continually seek new understanding and yearn for the source of nourishment and growth! Fruitfulness is not optional; it’s the evidence of true connection.

John 15 isn't to instill fear—it’s based in love. The Gardener loves His Vine. He prunes us to grow. He calls us to stay rooted, not in religious rules, but in relationship with Him. Salvation could be misunderstood as a "Fire Escape" as if Jesus died solely to change our final destination. But it's so much more than that and as we studied on Easter Sunday, Jesus didn't endure the agony of Calvary simply to rescue us from hell -- He came to restore a relationship. Abiding is not a suggestion or an option on the 'menu of salvation', abiding is the entire point of John 15! 

Salvation is not a one time decision, it's a continual connection. I believe God always desires intimacy with His people: 

Genesis 3:8 "And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden..." God was walking with Adam and Eve. 

Exodus 25:8 "And let them make me a sanctuary that I may dwell with them" God desired to dwell among His people. 

John 14:23 “Jesus answered and said to him, ‘If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.’”  A promise to be with us if we love Him and keep His Word. 

1 Corinthians 3:16 "Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you?” We ourselves, having accepted the calling of Jesus Christ and have salvation, are the living temple of God. His presence is personal and 'indwelling', those words can just be words until God wakes you up to the profound meaning! 

One final thought;

If we drift....  the branch doesn’t die because God walks away—it dies because we did.

Good Friday

Meditating about what this weekend really means. Not just on the surface—church services, songs and dinners—but the actual weight of it all.

Good Friday used to mean a day off and not much more to me. But lately with God’s help, I start to feel the heaviness, darkness and silence. Jesus died. And not just a quick, peaceful passing. He was beaten, mocked, humiliated… and then nailed to a cross. That’s what it took!

“He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities… and by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

And the part that hits me hardest?
He chose it. He didn’t get cornered or overpowered. He wasn’t tricked. He walked into it—for me. He is passionate in his love for us, how can we not serve Him wholeheartedly? It’s overwhelming!

“No one takes it from Me, but I lay it down of Myself.” (John 10:18)

I know my sin. I know the thoughts I have, the ways I fail, the stuff I hide. And Jesus saw all of it… and still said, “I’ll go.” That’s not religion. That’s love. Deep, bloody, sacrificial love.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8)

And then Easter!

It’s not just a happy ending. It’s a new beginning. Jesus didn’t just come back to life so we could just sing. He came back to pull us out of the grave too. Not just someday—now! Whatever we are struggling with, whatever sin, pain, addiction!

“Even when we were dead in trespasses, [God] made us alive together with Christ.” (Ephesians 2:5)

There were times I was walking around breathing, but not really alive. I was numb, angry, stuck.  Easter is God saying, “You don’t have to stay in that tomb. I already broke it open.”

“Why do you seek the living among the dead? He is not here, but is risen!” (Luke 24:5–6)

Good Friday shows us the incredible cost. Easter shows us how incredibly it worked.

This weekend isn’t about being religious or sentimental. It’s about remembering what He did, and deciding what I’m going to do with it.
I need to let some things die today. Let Him raise something new on Sunday!

My prayer this Good Friday,

Jesus,
You didn’t just tell me You love me—You showed it, with nails in Your hands and thorns on Your head.
I take it lightly far too often. I forget the weight of the cross.
Help me live like someone You died for. Help me rise up like someone You raised.
Let whatever’s dead in me be buried with You never to rise again… and breathe in me the things that are good.
Thank You for loving me more than I can ever understand. Thank You for going all the way.
In the matchless, powerful name of Jesus,
Amen.

Happy Valentine's Day, Anita

 This post was written when Anita was 6 years old in 2016. 

Happy Valentine's Day Anita

This post is for my daughter Anita. Although she is only 6 years old right now and won't read it,  maybe she will read this in 2025 or 2029 when she is 16 or 20 and her friends and peer pressure tell her she needs to have a boyfriend in her life because all of her friends do and it's valentine's day etc. etc. Too many young 15, 16, 17 year old girls are dating and have boyfriends and haven't even graduated from childhood yet. They went from playing dolls to holding a boy's hand and they don't really know why. Peer pressure and society telling them they need to have a boy in their life is giving them a raw deal. But back up a few years.... If a girl desires to have a boyfriend at 13 or 14 years old her father has missed something in her childhood. A dad needs to prioritize his daughters and work overtime to demonstrate what a real gentleman should be and how a real gentleman treats a woman. A dad needs to take every opportunity to love and prepare his daughter for dating and marriage. After all, we as parents are only preparing our daughters to grow up, marry and leave us. Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" The second chapter of the Bible, the second chapter of human history, God created a woman from man's rib for the sole purpose of helping a man, therefore leaving her mother and father to cleave to her husband. As much as that verse makes me glad I keep a shotgun handy, it is not just a friend's suggestion but instead it is the Gospel truth. Our daughters will grow up, find a man and leave us for him. Our job from day 1 is to prepare her and pray to God that the man she decides on has parents that put in the time to raise a Godly, God fearing young man for her. Dads, it's your responsibility to shape the young women in our lives, teaching them what it is to love the Lord and put Him first in our lives. You need to develop a relationship with her from infancy that she respects you and your wishes so much that it won't be a matter of her not sneaking out with a short skirt, earrings or high heels but more a matter of her not even having those desires because you raised her right and she knows what a respectable young lady dresses like. She knows the kind of girl that demands respect and honor rather than the kind of girl that demands men's second looks and wrong desires. Dads, you are the one that they need to hear it from. It is different coming from their dad than from their mom. Dad's need to have such a relationship with their daughters that it really matters to her what her dad thinks of her outfit, her shoes and her jewelry. But you need to speak with conviction and speak it as truth. I often struggled with the fact that when I tell my girl that "a respectable you girl wears skirts that come down to her knees" that I am at the same time telling her something about girls who wear short skirts. She will often ask me why someone else is wearing such a short skirt... But i've come to the conclusion that in the same way that I am trying to get her to the place where peer pressure does not have an effect on her, I have to ignore the pressure to not put such an emphasis on those things and not make them such a big deal because my peers don't make them a big deal with their daughters or even teach them in the same way, but instead let them where short skirts, high heels and gaudy adult like jewelry. Right is right and wrong is wrong. No young girl should be wearing a skirt that barely covers or 6" heels when they are 15 years old. There is no reason why a 12 year old needs to wear earrings. I explain to my daughters that there is no need to wear earrings because it only distracts from her beautiful face and there is no reason to die her hair because God knows what the best color for us is and he already made her beautiful with the hair He gave her. Are we ashamed of how God designed us? You get the point. God made her, she is beautiful just the way God created her, no need from jewelry to distract or makeup to hide her natural beauty. Every child and every daughter is beautiful and needs to hear this, often!! No we are not making self centered arrogant kids, we are assuring them that they can be comfortable in their own skin with adequate covering of their body. Kids that know their mom and dad love them and each other unconditionally are much more likely to chose a mate that has similar values as their own parents.
Ok, so now to get serious. Single girls and those who have doubts about their guy this is for you.
Girls, never settle for a guy! This is the reason why guys are supposed to pursue the girl and girls are never supposed to pursue a guy or ask him out. Girls, be pursued. Guys, pursue. Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.” Note the middle phrase "My treasure". If your guy or the guy you are interested in does not treat you like his treasure, walk away he's not worth your time. You had better be his treasure and his desire to please. If he does not bend over backwards and spend his spare time thinking of you and ways to make you happy he is not what a future husband should be and not worth your time. “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” Amos 3:3 In other words if you are not on the same page with marriage, with God, with goals and dreams you cannot walk together. What are his desires? Does he respect you? Did he ask your dad first if he could date you? Your daughter should respect and value your opinion and thoughts so much that she will tell the boy pursuing her that he should talk to her dad first before they go on a date. He should spend time at her house with her parents before they ever spend time alone. He should spend time at the dining room table with the girl's dad while he cleans his gun. That boy has got to know what your daughter means to you and that boy has to know how much you love your daughter's heart, that he better not break it. If he does not make your daughter's heart a priority he has no business dating her. Become the type of person that attracts the type of person you want to marry someday. Girls cannot dress and act like the world and be surprised when they attract guys of the world or guys with the desires of the world. You will attract the type of person you are. Girls don't look for a guy to come into your life to make it complete and fulfill it. You need to be comfortable and confident with your life before you can bring another person into it. Love yourself and your life before you bring anyone else into it.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27 If you are a Luke 10:27 girl you will attract a Luke 10:27 guy. Marriage does not complete you. It compliments you. Having issues in your life and looking for a guy to date will only add to your problems. Dating or marrying to 'complete' your life will hardly ever work. A girl cannot sit and wait for a man, looking at each guy and wondering if he will be the one that pursues her. You cannot do that, you will go mad! Don't wait on a guy to pursue you, wait on God. Whenever you’re feeling frustrated over how long it is taking a guy to notice and pursue you, remember that God is in control of timing, of this guy’s heart, of everything. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Notice it says the man finds his wife, not the other way around. You as ladies do not know the right time, but God does. Wait on Him and trust him. You can rush into a dating relationship with the wrong guy and get pressured into many things that you are not comfortable with, things that your dad warned you about, but all your friends are doing it and you don't want to be the odd one out. Then things go wrong one peer pressure leads to another and you are stuck with this boy, this kid for the rest of your life, or one of many other horrible options.
Several statements from girls I've heard:

• "I keep thinking he might be the one but I can't think of being 'stuck' with him the rest of my life" - hold up! No one is forcing you to date or marry a guy. If you are not attracted to him just run away!! Stop making your life goal be a guy! Live your life to the fullest right now! Guys suck if they are not the right one! 
• I've been praying for God to send me a guy and 'this guy' started showing me attention so I guess he is my answer to prayer". What?! In that statement she never mentions she met the most amazing man or she is so attracted to this man or loves spending time with this guy or anything like that but instead gives us the impression that she will marry this guy to obey God since she prayed and he started showing her attention.

I'm a believer and I love the Lord and seek His will. But this statement just seems crazy! And the first statement seems even more crazy. She says "I hope I'm not stuck with him....." No one is forcing you! It's not a kickball game in grade school where the dorkiest player gets picked last and your team is stuck with me! You were obligated to pick me in kickball but you are not obligated to marry me!! Dads, raise girls who know that!! Constantly convey to them the kind of man God has for them. Just wait!! The kind of respect the right guy will have for her. The things he will do for her and the things he will be willing to wait for.  

A dad has a huge responsibility to set an example for the kind of guy he wants his daughter to marry. There are two types of guys in the world: Godly guys who respect you, put you first and bend over backward for you and ungodly guys who are looking for what they can get, disrespect and only look out for what's in it for them. Raise your daughter to desire and attract a godly guy. If she doesn't, it's daddy's fault! You had her whole life to work on it. Girls, listen to your dads in this, no matter how old fashioned they seem. You will thank them on your wedding day and thank them when you have daughters who are being raised by the godly man they attracted and they waited for!

Single girls and you doubtful daters, listen: Is he willing to work, does he bend over backwards for you, is he man enough to talk to your dad, is he man enough to ask you on a date and pay, does he love the Lord first and always, was he attracted to your Christian beauty or  your short skirt? Answer those questioned and don't lower your standards!

Be a godly woman and a godly girl and it will attract a godly man. An ungodly man won't be attracted to you if you really love the Lord.

Mom, you don't get off without a warning. If you have daughters it's time to stop acting like a girl and more like a woman. Dress respectful!! Too many times Christian moms dress like I would never let my daughter dress! Husbands need to have the honor and respect from their wives to be able to talk to their wives about the influence they are having on their kids.

Girls: Don't pursue a boy; pursue God and He will provide the right one in His time! That's a guarantee!