How Can a Man Talk About God for Hours… and Still Avoid Him

I've been in and around conversations, with Bible believing church guys, that can go for hours on Old Testament history, prophecy timelines, end-times debates, connecting dots, quoting teachers, comparing online pastors, comparing interpretation, calling out false teaching, calling out other's sins... 

On the surface, it sounds solid.. 

But something always seems off. It's like a mutual back pat session.

Because the moment the conversation starts moving toward anything real... 
actual life… actual sin… actual change… accountability... vulnerability... confessing...  It gets weird, redirected or a "Oh, we're good" response.. "I don't need that, I already know how I believe"..  like why are you being nosey and getting involved in my personal business. 

Or replaced with another “interesting” topic.

I'll say the quiet part out loud: You can talk about the Bible all day and still be avoiding God. 

I've seen serval different types in conversation: 

The Debate Guy: 

Always ready to spill knowledge. He knows his stuff. He loves the debate and the argument. He's confident and rarely wrong in his own mind and actually creates debates by introducing controversial topics to guys he knows have opposing views. 

The Quote Guy:

He has a podcast or pastor quote for everything. He sounds intelligent because he's repeating 'truth' second hand. He's borrowing wisdom. 

The Surface Guy: 

Stays safe, surface level small talk, never shows vulnerability, doesn't want to go anywhere off the beaten path. 

The Performance Guy: 

Knowledge becomes an identity. Saying impressive things is the win for him. He puffs himself up to share what he knows, and checks the mental box when he get's agreement. 

The 'Intellectual' Guy 

Can discuss sin, call out sin and identify sin.. without confessing sin. Can explain holiness, can talk about but never pursue it. 

The Avoiding Guy: 

He doesn't bring anything to the table, just agrees with what was said, repeats a few lines to sound like part of it and enjoys the high from it. 

The Honest Guy: 

This is the guy who wants to be changed, asks real questions, admits his weakness fully (not just enough to sound committed), goes all in with vulnerability for the good of his soul, at all costs. 

I don't think these are personality types, I think it is a matter of how we use the Bible. Do we use it to stay in control and express our knowledge and intelligence, like 'I broke the code', I know more than you do.  Or do we us it to confront our sin and change us?  I think that we all fall under one of these types. 

I've had a guy say on multiple occasions: "my convictions and beliefs change weekly, something that I believed last week may change this week."...  Really?? That sounds stressful! How would one ever have confidence in their convictions? Why would God's truth change weekly? ... It wouldn't! God's truth never changes.. if my convictions were changing weekly, I better go back to square one and start over.  The statement sounds humble, almost like we are saying 'I am clay in the potter's hands, he changes me all the time'.   But it's not, it's not humility, it's instability. 

1Thess 5:21 "Test all things, hold fast to what is good" Hold fast, not revisit and change and revisit and change. 

James 1:8 'a double minded man is unstable in all his ways'. Is a man who changes convictions weekly what is talked about in James?

Is it possible to just talk alot about truth and scripture instead of living it? Is it possible to study about God but not submit to Him? Can we know scripture inside out without having it shape our lives?  Like "look how much I know"..  Is that spiritual maturity? 

1 Corinthians 8:1 "Knowledge puffs up, but love edifies"

What is behind surface level, theological debates that, end times debates, time lines, prophecies, breaking the code, connecting the dots, finding the best online pastor, calling out false teachers, correcting those still on the milk of the Word?  Could it be:

Pride? Fear of being exposed or wrong? Fear of needing change? Love of comfort or being seen as 'an intellectual'? 

If the subjects, teaching or books about being a better husband, being a present dad, exposing, confessing and forsaking sin, and walking in obedience make me uncomfortable.. maybe i'm not ready for things that cost something. 

I don't think the Bible was meant to just inform us, it was meant to transform us! 

Is This Our Last Time?

In life, i'm finding out I'm in the thick of it when it comes to "last times"

The last hand-hold, the last bedtime story, the last time they fall asleep on your lap.

It hitting me hard. And it should.

But it also misses something important:

The goal isn’t to hold onto those moments.
The goal is to build something stronger that replaces them as they grow up! 

Because if you’re not intentional, those moments don’t just fade…
the relationship does too.

But if you lead them right.. that connection you have with them doesn’t disappear
it changes with age. 

From Being Needed ... To Being Chosen

When your kids are little, they need you for everything.
That is they way God designed them.

As they grow up that dependance naturally lessens. 

Now they have a choice:

Do I go to Dad… or do I go somewhere else?

That’s where many fathers could lose out if they don't spend the early years demonstrating what a rock solid, safe haven they can be, with wisdom from God, grace and understanding. 

As kids get older, they may not run down on a Saturday or Sunday morning looking for you, jump on your lap for a good morning hug. 

But if you intentionally keep that going, a 'good morning' etc. 

You move from automatic affection to intentional connection.

---

From “Dad, Look!” ... To “Dad, What Do You Think?”

They won’t show you every little thing anymore.

But they will come to you...
if they value your voice.

That doesn’t happen by accident.

It comes from:

• Listening without dismissing
• Asking real questions
• Staying engaged, even when it’s not your interest

You stop being the audience…
and become a trusted voice in their life.

---

From The Public Hand Hold ... To The Deeper Public Connection

They don’t hold your hand in public.

Good. They’re growing up.

But here’s the question:

Are they still walking next to you?

That could look like:

• Arm around the shoulder
• Walking side-by-side
• Being seen together without awkwardness

That kind of connection is earned... not automatic.

---

From The Jungle Gym ... To The Training Ground

They stop climbing all over you.

But it's still time to keep building them.

Work out together.
Push each other.
Teach discipline, strength, and control.

You’re no longer the playground.

You’re their coach.

---

From The Band Aids ... To The Anchor

The bruises and scrapes go away.

Now the wounds are real:

• Rejection
• Failure
• Sin
• Confusion

They don’t just need comfort anymore.

They need truth and direction.

Galatians 6:2 
“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”

You don’t just say “you’ll be fine.”

You walk through it with them... shoulder to shoulder.

They are your son or daughter but also your brother and sister! 

This realization and permission with them has elevated our relationship.

---

From The Oversized Pillow ... To The Safe Place

They won’t fall asleep on your chest anymore.

But life will still wear them down.

That could look like:

• Late night conversations when we should all be sleeping
• Quiet car rides
• Times they don’t even know how to explain what’s going on

You have to remain steady and available, and sometime silent.. remember to be "quick to listen, slow to speak"

You gotta be the place they come when things are heavy.

---

From “One More Story” ... To “Share Your Wisdom”

The bedtime stories end.

Hard, real life questions begin.

This is where you step in:

• Share your experiences... good and bad
• Talk through decisions
• Help them think, not just preach to them
• The more they think through life, the better equipped they are! 

Deuteronomy 6:6–7
“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children… when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way…”

It’s not about us teaching our kids 'the lessons of life', It’s about our life that constantly pours into theirs.

---

From The Last Pick Up ... To The Final 'Let Go'

One day you’ll pick them up for the last time.

You won’t know when it is.

That is preparing you for something bigger that is coming:

You start letting them stand on their own.

• Let them make decisions
• Let them feel consequences
• Let them grow

Proverbs 22:6
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

We can't hold them forever.

We are meant to prepare them and release them... Let them go. 

---

From Sharing Secrets ... To The Deeper Trust

They stop telling you everything. That’s normal.

The big question is:

Do they still want to come to you?

That depends on you.

• Do you overreact?
• Do you shut them down?
• Do you make it safe to be honest?
• Do you listen without interruption?
• Are they certain, beyond the shadow of a doubt that they can bring ANYTHING to you?

You don’t need to know everything.

You need to be someone they trust with anything.

---

This Reality That Hit Me Hard

If you don’t grow with your kids…

You won’t just lose the small moments.

You’ll lose the relationship.

But if you do it right...

You don’t lose your kids.

You gain something deeper:

• Respect
• Trust
• Brotherhood (sister)
• A lifelong relationship

---

The Biblical Standard

1 Corinthians 13:11
“When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

Your job is not to keep your children small.

Your job is to walk them into maturity... without losing connection along the way.

---

One Final Thought

Don’t just passively “soak in the moments.”

Build something that lasts beyond them.

Because one day…

They won’t need you.

But if you’ve done it right... 

They’ll still choose you.