Happy Valentine's Day, Anita

 This post was written when Anita was 6 years old in 2016. 

Happy Valentine's Day Anita

This post is for my daughter Anita. Although she is only 6 years old right now and won't read it,  maybe she will read this in 2025 or 2029 when she is 16 or 20 and her friends and peer pressure tell her she needs to have a boyfriend in her life because all of her friends do and it's valentine's day etc. etc. Too many young 15, 16, 17 year old girls are dating and have boyfriends and haven't even graduated from childhood yet. They went from playing dolls to holding a boy's hand and they don't really know why. Peer pressure and society telling them they need to have a boy in their life is giving them a raw deal. But back up a few years.... If a girl desires to have a boyfriend at 13 or 14 years old her father has missed something in her childhood. A dad needs to prioritize his daughters and work overtime to demonstrate what a real gentleman should be and how a real gentleman treats a woman. A dad needs to take every opportunity to love and prepare his daughter for dating and marriage. After all, we as parents are only preparing our daughters to grow up, marry and leave us. Genesis 2:24 "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh" The second chapter of the Bible, the second chapter of human history, God created a woman from man's rib for the sole purpose of helping a man, therefore leaving her mother and father to cleave to her husband. As much as that verse makes me glad I keep a shotgun handy, it is not just a friend's suggestion but instead it is the Gospel truth. Our daughters will grow up, find a man and leave us for him. Our job from day 1 is to prepare her and pray to God that the man she decides on has parents that put in the time to raise a Godly, God fearing young man for her. Dads, it's your responsibility to shape the young women in our lives, teaching them what it is to love the Lord and put Him first in our lives. You need to develop a relationship with her from infancy that she respects you and your wishes so much that it won't be a matter of her not sneaking out with a short skirt, earrings or high heels but more a matter of her not even having those desires because you raised her right and she knows what a respectable young lady dresses like. She knows the kind of girl that demands respect and honor rather than the kind of girl that demands men's second looks and wrong desires. Dads, you are the one that they need to hear it from. It is different coming from their dad than from their mom. Dad's need to have such a relationship with their daughters that it really matters to her what her dad thinks of her outfit, her shoes and her jewelry. But you need to speak with conviction and speak it as truth. I often struggled with the fact that when I tell my girl that "a respectable you girl wears skirts that come down to her knees" that I am at the same time telling her something about girls who wear short skirts. She will often ask me why someone else is wearing such a short skirt... But i've come to the conclusion that in the same way that I am trying to get her to the place where peer pressure does not have an effect on her, I have to ignore the pressure to not put such an emphasis on those things and not make them such a big deal because my peers don't make them a big deal with their daughters or even teach them in the same way, but instead let them where short skirts, high heels and gaudy adult like jewelry. Right is right and wrong is wrong. No young girl should be wearing a skirt that barely covers or 6" heels when they are 15 years old. There is no reason why a 12 year old needs to wear earrings. I explain to my daughters that there is no need to wear earrings because it only distracts from her beautiful face and there is no reason to die her hair because God knows what the best color for us is and he already made her beautiful with the hair He gave her. Are we ashamed of how God designed us? You get the point. God made her, she is beautiful just the way God created her, no need from jewelry to distract or makeup to hide her natural beauty. Every child and every daughter is beautiful and needs to hear this, often!! No we are not making self centered arrogant kids, we are assuring them that they can be comfortable in their own skin with adequate covering of their body. Kids that know their mom and dad love them and each other unconditionally are much more likely to chose a mate that has similar values as their own parents.
Ok, so now to get serious. Single girls and those who have doubts about their guy this is for you.
Girls, never settle for a guy! This is the reason why guys are supposed to pursue the girl and girls are never supposed to pursue a guy or ask him out. Girls, be pursued. Guys, pursue. Song of Solomon 4:9 “You have captured my heart, my treasure, my bride.” Note the middle phrase "My treasure". If your guy or the guy you are interested in does not treat you like his treasure, walk away he's not worth your time. You had better be his treasure and his desire to please. If he does not bend over backwards and spend his spare time thinking of you and ways to make you happy he is not what a future husband should be and not worth your time. “Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” Amos 3:3 In other words if you are not on the same page with marriage, with God, with goals and dreams you cannot walk together. What are his desires? Does he respect you? Did he ask your dad first if he could date you? Your daughter should respect and value your opinion and thoughts so much that she will tell the boy pursuing her that he should talk to her dad first before they go on a date. He should spend time at her house with her parents before they ever spend time alone. He should spend time at the dining room table with the girl's dad while he cleans his gun. That boy has got to know what your daughter means to you and that boy has to know how much you love your daughter's heart, that he better not break it. If he does not make your daughter's heart a priority he has no business dating her. Become the type of person that attracts the type of person you want to marry someday. Girls cannot dress and act like the world and be surprised when they attract guys of the world or guys with the desires of the world. You will attract the type of person you are. Girls don't look for a guy to come into your life to make it complete and fulfill it. You need to be comfortable and confident with your life before you can bring another person into it. Love yourself and your life before you bring anyone else into it.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ Luke 10:27 If you are a Luke 10:27 girl you will attract a Luke 10:27 guy. Marriage does not complete you. It compliments you. Having issues in your life and looking for a guy to date will only add to your problems. Dating or marrying to 'complete' your life will hardly ever work. A girl cannot sit and wait for a man, looking at each guy and wondering if he will be the one that pursues her. You cannot do that, you will go mad! Don't wait on a guy to pursue you, wait on God. Whenever you’re feeling frustrated over how long it is taking a guy to notice and pursue you, remember that God is in control of timing, of this guy’s heart, of everything. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.” Notice it says the man finds his wife, not the other way around. You as ladies do not know the right time, but God does. Wait on Him and trust him. You can rush into a dating relationship with the wrong guy and get pressured into many things that you are not comfortable with, things that your dad warned you about, but all your friends are doing it and you don't want to be the odd one out. Then things go wrong one peer pressure leads to another and you are stuck with this boy, this kid for the rest of your life, or one of many other horrible options.
Several statements from girls I've heard:

• "I keep thinking he might be the one but I can't think of being 'stuck' with him the rest of my life" - hold up! No one is forcing you to date or marry a guy. If you are not attracted to him just run away!! Stop making your life goal be a guy! Live your life to the fullest right now! Guys suck if they are not the right one! 
• I've been praying for God to send me a guy and 'this guy' started showing me attention so I guess he is my answer to prayer". What?! In that statement she never mentions she met the most amazing man or she is so attracted to this man or loves spending time with this guy or anything like that but instead gives us the impression that she will marry this guy to obey God since she prayed and he started showing her attention.

I'm a believer and I love the Lord and seek His will. But this statement just seems crazy! And the first statement seems even more crazy. She says "I hope I'm not stuck with him....." No one is forcing you! It's not a kickball game in grade school where the dorkiest player gets picked last and your team is stuck with me! You were obligated to pick me in kickball but you are not obligated to marry me!! Dads, raise girls who know that!! Constantly convey to them the kind of man God has for them. Just wait!! The kind of respect the right guy will have for her. The things he will do for her and the things he will be willing to wait for.  

A dad has a huge responsibility to set an example for the kind of guy he wants his daughter to marry. There are two types of guys in the world: Godly guys who respect you, put you first and bend over backward for you and ungodly guys who are looking for what they can get, disrespect and only look out for what's in it for them. Raise your daughter to desire and attract a godly guy. If she doesn't, it's daddy's fault! You had her whole life to work on it. Girls, listen to your dads in this, no matter how old fashioned they seem. You will thank them on your wedding day and thank them when you have daughters who are being raised by the godly man they attracted and they waited for!

Single girls and you doubtful daters, listen: Is he willing to work, does he bend over backwards for you, is he man enough to talk to your dad, is he man enough to ask you on a date and pay, does he love the Lord first and always, was he attracted to your Christian beauty or  your short skirt? Answer those questioned and don't lower your standards!

Be a godly woman and a godly girl and it will attract a godly man. An ungodly man won't be attracted to you if you really love the Lord.

Mom, you don't get off without a warning. If you have daughters it's time to stop acting like a girl and more like a woman. Dress respectful!! Too many times Christian moms dress like I would never let my daughter dress! Husbands need to have the honor and respect from their wives to be able to talk to their wives about the influence they are having on their kids.

Girls: Don't pursue a boy; pursue God and He will provide the right one in His time! That's a guarantee! 

Hoping We Won't Pass Him By

 

Hoping we won't pass him by....

It seems so easy to turn away and make judgements of the homeless or people asking for money. We like to think they got a dollar from the other guy so they don't need mine. We aren't called to ignore or pass them by. If we truly believed what the Bible says, we'd be shelling out Benjamins at the corner. 100 fold reward for giving..?? How can we not want to give? What are we teaching our kids when we reach into our change bin in the car instead of our wallet? What are we teaching our kids when we search frantically for a single instead of thinking of his needs and our reward? What a teaching moment it is each time you see someone asking for a dime. Our response should be, "spare change?! how bout a dollar, how bout 2?" We tend to be so greedy and want to hold on to every cent we can get our hands on.

One of the biggest mistakes we could make as parents, one that has lifelong effects is forgetting our kids are watching when we choose to respond wrong, react wrong and express wrong attitudes toward others. Pulling up to a red light seeing a man with a sign a few lanes over, kids in the backseat..... it's time to make a decision. How do we handle this situation? Easy, ignore it, hope they don't make it to our car before the light changes and we can drive off. If the kids noticed (which they did) you have an out, the light changed. By our actions we are shaping our children's attitudes, thought processes, compassion (or lack thereof), how to respond and react, how to ignore or seek out. We could spend our years as parents with young kids selfishly looking our for ourselves, showing by example how to ignore those in need if we don't want to be bothered and then when we are the ones in need, wonder why our kids are so good at ignoring us. We need to have the foresight to teach and prepare our children for every future, whether its 10 minutes or 10 years away. When we make the choice to have children and don't make the decision to sacrifice ALL for them, we fail. We fail our children and ourselves. As we have heard "Children did not ask to be brought into this world". We chose to bring them into this world and now have a lifelong responsibility. Our success or failure with our kids will be evident to us for life. They will be what we train them to be, what we demonstrate as 'normal'.   It's time to do a 180. Instead of trying to avoid, searching for a dime or a dollar,.... seek them out. Prepare for them. But oh, we have a short week, we don't have anything to spare. Jesus didn't say give from your excess. Who doesn't have a dime or a dollar in the car. A respected person once said to me "..... but make sure you don't judge them for not giving because you never know anyone's private situation...." that's correct, we don't. But if we were honest with ourselves we would prepare and never pass a person in need without giving something. And I don't mean the person with a sign that happens to make it to your window before the light changes, I mean the person we see in public that we think could use a hello, a dollar or a sandwich. We should 'seek out' those who need our help. They could be angels, they could be sent here to test us or they could simply want a sandwich! Not only strangers but what about our own families? If we know that there is a need in our family and we ignore it............................


Who could say that we haven't been helped when we needed it?

Christmas is so full of giving and getting and accumulating things that we really don't need. We pile things on our friends and family who already have too much and forget those who really need.

Should you stop?, better not, much too busy
You're in a hurry, my how time does fly
In the distance the ringing of laughter
And in the midst of the laughter he cries

If we call ourselves Christians and ignore the needy, something is wrong. 

Everything we do when eyes are watching is worthless, it's what we do when no one is watching that truly matters. 

Giving to those who could never repay. 

Doing all our good deeds in private. 

Never a mention of what we've done. 

I think we will be a little closer to what Jesus wants when we really hurt for those hurting and cry for those crying....... and do something about it.  

Daughters.

 

Daughters

If you are a dad and you have a daughter, consider yourself truly blessed. But don't stop there. If she is still little, it is time to take action, and never stop. My oldest daughter is just over 5 years old and she looks at me with stars in her eyes. I am the luckiest man alive when my daughter looks at me or caresses my face while she talks to me. But now I have another one, I am the richly blessed dad of a brand new baby girl. As I looked at her lying on the bed last night, with tears in my eyes, I told my wife, "I love her so much". I am the father of 4, and with each one came a very unique experience unlike each one before. My first daughter, 5 years ago, turned my world upside down. But it was just my wife and I with our daughter. I have had 5 years to learn and experience what a daughter can do to and for me. So I enter into this new part of my life with another daughter armed with all this knowledge and experiences and it wants to bring me to my knees just knowing what great blessings are in store for me. My daughter knows she will never be too old or too big to sit on my lap, to hug and kiss me or to have my time. No amount of money or gifts is worth more to our children as our time is. I am a work in progress and learning every day. I am thankful for Godly men in my life to lead by quiet example on how a real father, husband and man of God should live. As a family man we live a life of sacrifices but when looked at in a broad sense they are really not sacrifices but investments in our child's life. If you have a daughter, do like I do, don't go 24 hours without telling her you love her. My daughter has heard those words from me every day for the last 5 years and it's a commitment I will keep as long as the Lord gives us days. I tell my children that the best thing you can ever say is "i love you too" because that means someone else already said "I love you". With God's help you can raise the most compassionate and loving children if you choose to put in the time. Put aside your wants and desires and remember where your priorities really start. Too many fathers are blessed with daughters and live their life their way, their daughters grow up and at age 12 or 13 think they need to have a boyfriend or need to go out 2 or 3 nights a week with friends. They are embarrassed to be around their parents. A lot of parents write that off as 'it's just a phase' or 'teenagers' instead of taking responsibility for their mistakes. Children,, daughters need love from their dad. When I get home from work, my daughter usually has something waiting for me that she made for me and she would sit with me and read or watch a movie if we wanted. She enjoys spending that time with me. My wife tells me that my daughter looks forward to Saturday because her dad will be home. Last night the song "butterfly kisses" came on and my daughter came over and sat on my lap and looked in my eyes while it played. She had such kind eyes and pure love for me. it is moments like this that floor me. Daughters are amazing. Just tonight I was having a conversation with my 5 year old daughter, I told her how luck I was to have her love me. She replied, "All dads are lucky". But little does she know that not all dads are present in their daughter's lives enough to really enjoy that love. I know someone who once told me after have 3 kids (all grown now) they can remember the 1 and only time they changed a diaper. They've told me of the countless hours of work they put in, working 12-15 hours a day and part of every Saturday. What is left to show for it? Is any extra work, any overtime or any achievement at work worth missing time with your children. I believe we have a right to work 40 hours a week and trust for God to provide. Daughters need their dad. They need dads to love them, if you don't they will find someone else and usually at a young age. If a dad is not around to fulfill that need for a mans love in their daughters life she will find someone else to do that. And usually starting at a young age. That will surprise and sometime anger a father who will at that point try to step into his daughter's life and be the 'man' that he should be. But who can blame her if her reaction is "Now you want to come into my life? where have you been over the last 15 years?". A father cannot expect to drop by in his daughter's life from time to time and then be that big man only at key points in her life. He has to keep that relationship going from the time of birth right on through where ever life takes them. How often do fathers sit and talk to their daughters and listen to what they have to say. Even fathers that are involved with their daughters..... do they listen or is it always talking and preaching. Listen, sit, love and enjoy their company. Go out once a month with just one daughter, make it a date night and make it about her. Sit and talk over an ice cream sundae or wings and get to know her a little more. Earn her love and trust from when she is an infant so that when she is old enough and mature enough to desire a boyfriend it is most important to her the he loves God and is approved by her dad. Can you imagine being one of those dads that just 'finds out' his daughter has a boyfriend? oh, and she's only 16! Be her father but also be her friend. There is something special about the unconditional love of a daughter. Actively love that girl. Demonstrate what true respectful and selfless love is by loving her mother just like you want a boy to love her. Show her by example how a guy should act and what is acceptable. I can remember my Dad always loving my mom and never arguing where we could see or hear them. They never debated or corrected each other and always looked out for each other. My mom never complained about my dad to anyone. My dad was always ready and willing to help and do what needed to be done. They set great examples for us to follow and I believe it is now my turn to keep that cycle going. The flame has been passed and it's my turn to show my children, with God's help, how to be the father we are called to be. Love your daughters.

While I Was Away

 Written in 2015 on jeffmyers.blogspot.com 

While I was away..

By the time I made it home, you were already in bed

Chubby cheek pressed to your a pillow by a bedtime book you read

And I noticed you looked older than you did yesterday

You’ve been growing up while I was away

You made a pile of leaves in the front yard, I guess it’s already fall

By the look of those pictures your mama took, the two of you had a ball

And It made me glad but a little sad to see those games you played

I missed a lot of smiles while I was away

And I found your note in the kitchen, it’s a real work of art

A stick man holding your stick hand with “Daddy” written in a heart

And it got me good cause I’ve understood what you meant to say

You’ve been missing me too while I was away

  

This dude is putting my worst fear into words! By nature, dads are more on the run than moms are with work every day and errands to run. Mom is around the house more and spends 2-3 times more time with kids. This song is really about working long and far away, but there can be many reasons why a dad does not see his kids grow up. His choice to work long hours is probably a big one, getting home after the kids are in bed and leaving before they wake. Dads are on the go so much with work and then they want to spend their weekends with hobbies and friends if not more work. We don't have to do that! Working 60-70 hours a week is not acceptable when we have children or wives. We need to learn to say no. Or change careers. I've read stories about Christian men who have changed careers to spend more time at home. Careers that did not require them to travel or stay away more than 8-9 hours a day. They took the pay cut or less hours and God blessed them over and over for making that right decision.

There is a panicky feeling that comes over me from time to time when I think that my little girl is now medium sized and will soon be my big girl. Or that my little dude will soon be too big to pick up and hold. Some may say he's too big to pick up now, but we don't! That's for sure. Some dads probably wish the day would not come when their daughters won't kiss them on the lips anymore, I fear the day my son won't. Innocence and love keeps the kisses coming. When I think about the hours there are in one week that my children are actually awake when im home.. about 5 hours each weekday how can anything else fit into that time? By the time dinner is done and any chore that needs my attention there is an hour or two left. I could selfishly take that time for myself or invest it in my children. Sometime we don't realize what a parent/child relationship really is. From day 1, we are obligated to invest in and perform maintenance on that relationship, and it never really ends. Every relationship requires maintenance to survive. Without it the relationship will eventually wither and die. Whether is a parent and child, husband and wife or plain old friends it has to be important enough to one party to keep the relationship going. We as parents may think that because we are their parent we will always be good. But if we fail to maintain that relationship, one day they will be at a critical point in their life and when we try to interject our thoughts their response is "Who do you think you are?" Whether we have 1 child or 10 we have the same obligation. I believe as parents we have the obligation to make each one of our children feel like a prized possession, a special child, loved beyond any doubt and to spend quality physical  One that knows your top priority is spending time with them and that you look forward to your daily time with them each day without exception. Working til 9pm or all day Saturday cannot allow us with enough time to spend with them.  There are many things that dads can do that can be called good and harmless but the deciding factor of those good and harmless things should be the impact on the kids and family as a whole. Not using the excuse that I am including one child so it's good. Any sacrifice ever made for the benefit of our children cannot be a bad one. If we as dads are doing something on a regular basis that's takes us from our family or causes dissention with our wife or kids, it's time to stop, evaluate our selfishness, and take the necessary actions. Nothing! no hobby, no career, no interest or way of life is worth missing a night or weekend with our children. Being home at a reasonable time on weekdays, spending time each night with each of our children and making sure we are home on weekends and not out with some selfish hobby is first priority for a Man of Integrity. Can I really go hunting, fishing, golfing, working or any selfish desire and still feel like a Man of integrity? The answer is a simple No. We may say that we voluntarily work every Saturday to provide for our families but that's total crap. You would be hard pressed to find one wife or child who would choose money over Dad on a Saturday or an evening. There is no excuse for not spending time with our family on a daily basis. Think of the many things in our daily life that we perform maintenance on, we fuel our car and do oil changes, fill our swimming pool, we wash the windows, cut the grass, drink water, charge our cell phones, sweep the floor and rake the leaves. The list is endless of things that we maintain on a regular basis because if we didn't all those things would just stop being useful to us and we'd neglect them and eventually just ignore them. Who wants to spend time in an overgrown yard with a swimming pool that has12" of green water in it? No one! So we maintain it daily so it's good to use. If we fail to perform daily maintenance on the relationship with our children or spouse, it will soon turn green and stagnant and will be avoided for the benefit of everyone. You can't ignore your swimming pool all summer and expect it to be crystal clear for your Labor Day pool party, in the same way you can't neglect spending quality time with your children daily and when you want to be the knight in shining armor at the time of crisis, wonder why things seem smelly and stagnant in your relationship! You lost that 10 years ago! Children don't change and walk out overnight. You've been forming and molding that rebel for the last 15 years so why is it a surprise?! There are no guarantees that children won't be influenced by the wrong person and led on a bad path. But there one thing is for sure. Equipping our children with Knowledge, Truth and Love is our best defense. Knowledge and truth are based on the Bible. Every family needs something to base what they call truth on otherwise you can end up with a 'because I said so' scenario which can easily cause rebellion in children as young as 2 or 3. Instilling in your children that the Bible is the infallible word of God at a young age is crucial to use it as the base of everything in life. Reading the Bible and praying with your children daily is how it all starts. As a parent you have to present the things you value and believe in as normal and true. Having the Bible as our rock and truth is our most valuable tool as a parent. Making our children fully aware of the Bible and it's truth is of the top priority, because everything else in their life is a reflection of how well their parents focused on that obligation. We can train and form our children into anything we want. Proverbs 22:6 "Train a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it". That does not mean take them to church once a week and hope for the best. But it means to actively participate in the child's life with Bible based training and to actively think about and pray for your children throughout the day. When you make the choice to bring children into this world you are quietly stating to the world that you are willing going to sacrifice hobbies and other self serving extracurricular activities until your kids have grown. Forcing one of your kids to take up the same hobby as you as a means of justification does not work either. You will then find yourself spending most of your time with one and forget the 99. Focus on your Family and forget yourself; you will be on the right track. Working hard to make a dollar only makes us spend more frivolously anyway. We might use the excuse that I have mouths to feed and kids to dress so I need to work to pay for it. Do they really need new $100 jeans and the latest name in designer clothes? 

One sure fire way to drive a wedge between parent and child is to have one way conversations. To tell a child what to do or not do without an in depth explanation is wrong on several levels. First of all it creates a wall where their should be communication. Second When you explain your decisions it conveys love. Someone once told me that their dad would just say things like "you can't do this or don't do that" and would never give an explanation even when they were asked for it by their kids. Taking the time to explain decisions to your children is very important, life slows down at that point, they look at you intently as you prove you are Dad instead of just barking orders and telling them you are their dad. Need to talk to your children, stop, hold their hands or their body, look at their eyes, make sure they are focused on you, then speak. They should continue to focus while you talk. Make sure you allow them to ask any questions they have and respond to every one. When it comes to our peers as adults I always say You can't learn anything while you are talking and the same goes for us and our children. Want to learn about your children? Shut up and listen. Sit by their bed for 15 minutes at night and listen to what they have to day. Whether it's about their hobby, a book they read, friends at school, a boyfriend or girlfriend............... You thought I meant only little kids?! Not at all, got a 15 year old? Sit in. But start that relationship once she starts talking, don't wait, time will pass by so fast it will make your head spin. As that little boy or girl gets older the conversation will change. From toys and stories to truth and life the conversations are endless. We only get one shot and it's something we cannot afford to mess up. Our child's life depends on it!
The older I get and the older my children get I'm more convinced that the control a parent has over the life their children live as they reach the adult age is great! It is hugely controlled by the choices a parent makes in those early years; Choices for dads such as where they choose to be or what they choose to do when they are home, Choices by parents about what they talk about in front of their kids, how critical they are about other people and the gossip their kids hear from them. A parent's daily life, no matter how extreme, is setting the standard as 'normal' for their kids to follow. What do we want our kids to see as normal? Seeing them only on the weekends because we book too much work and can't get it all done? A dad that has a hobby that takes him from his family every Saturday? Do we want normal to be for them to see me leave all the work at home to their mom and to see her struggle to hold it together because of that? I don't think so. The normal I want my kids to see is that their dad would sacrifice anything for them and their mom. I want them to know normal is that there is no distinction in work at home as to who's job it is, dad and mom share it all. Normal is kids have to see by example that I love their mom by the way I treat her, love her and respect her. My boys need to see by example that their dad loves their mom and they need to see how to do it right! Demonstrating love to their mom is teaching them what's normal. We can only demonstrate what we want our kids to see as normal, if we are there. Working late being gone on Saturday is a sure fire way to show we don't prioritize our children. Kids don't wait to be influenced. If we don't make them a priority, someone else will. TV, internet, bad influences the list goes on. It's not even a case of their peers having bad intentions, it's simply a matter of their dad being there to filter the junk they come home with each day! How could a dad not make that a priority! Are we that selfish and self centered that we'd leave our own children to the wolves to be raised? No matter what excuse we will make or what justification we come up with, if we are gone evenings and weekends, we voluntarily choose to neglect our kids leaving someone else to raise our kids and set the standard for them and we probably won't thank them.
I'm not saying that mom's can't raise children. Most moms do an exceptional job. But ask which ones would choose to do it without a legitimate dad in the picture.... none. Dad is a name that all dads must live up to. It's a tall order and big shoes to fill. It's not enough to just support them financially. Committing to a quantity of quality time is another story. 

If a dad looks at his 16 year old girl who is living life all wrong, who is a mirror image of the world and wonders where it went so wrong...  The answer is simple,"the moment you walked out the door instead of staying with her". Because it's a fact that she yearned for your attention when she was little. She waited for just a moment of your attention. If you had been paying attention you would have seen the sparkle in her eye! Look forward to seeing her everyday after work! Make your children feel like a million bucks, everyday! Do our kids fear our arrival or wait on the doorstep? Treat your daughters like the princess they are. Take them on dates whether they are 4 or 40 years old. As long as they live under your roof visit their bedroom after she's in and talk or more importantly, listen. Every night! Once a month take her on a date. Demonstrate how a boy should treat her, talk about it. Set an example for your boys of how they should treat a woman. By treating their mother and sisters with respect, we can show by example what a real man does. Talk about what's acceptable and what's not, explain the lifelong consequences of bad decisions. There are countless ideas, precepts and principles that we can teach our children on one condition, we cannot do it while we are away.
  Compassionate, loving and caring people weren't born that way, something affected them and made an impression. If you know a person who is not loving or kind or has some other social awkwardness it is most likely a direct result of how their parents raised them and who was around. 

There is so much responsibility that a parent has and there are so many things to do and teach our kids every day that if done correctly and responsibly there would be no time left for anything else in our lives. It's time to take inventory of our time, how we have allotted the minutes we are given each day. Do our kids take last priority? It would probably shock most dads to write down the hours in a day and list how they spent each minute of the day. What percentage would kids get? 2%? 5%  Dads who spend an hour a day focused on their kids spend less than 5% of their life with their kids. That's a horrible thought. And even though we may think we are beyond that, think about the amount of direct one-on-one time, uninterrupted, cell phone free time we have with our kids. Maybe it's even less than 5%! We can reverse the cycle if we only be there. 

One of my biggest fears is one day there will be a ..... 'While I was away' moment. 

And for every dollar I earn there’s a lesson you learn without me there

And every day I’m on the go, I’m praying that you know your daddy cared

Cause the hardest part about working hard ain’t about the bills I gotta pay

It’s you growing up while I was away

Kids Ask Too Many Questions!

  Have you ever heard a friend or another parent say in frustration, "they won't shut up, it's always why this or why that and a million other questions about everything under the sun..." As a parent, if you don't treasure this and seek out those opportunities, you are nuts! As a dad, I have so much I want to teach my kids on important subjects and critical issues, but if I were to tell them to sit down so I can talk to them about this or that it may be super uncomfortable because of the subject or they may not be listening because their mind can't switch from playing baseball or legos to listening to their dad talk about work ethic or the dangers of peer pressure and drug use. Like everything in a child's life it must start before they are born, thinking about these issues, discussing it with your spouse and preparing yourself to raise and teach them. When they are old enough to talk, tell them repeatedly that you enjoy when they ask you questions and when they do ask tell them "Thanks for asking me that". Now this is where the magic happens. If your child asks you a question... guess what.... most of the time they are ready, willing and able to sit down and have an in depth conversation about the subject at hand, they will be attentive to what you say and take it all in. Also, this is a perfect opportunity for you to segue into other like topics that you may want to discuss. 

    There are some subjects that parents don't want to talk to their children about and I get it, I mean who wants to tell their child what heroin addiction is? My children know because the question was asked about people looking asleep or dead on the corner, the conversation started with drugs then went on to addiction segued into other forms of addiction and also educated them to what needles are and why they should never be touched for any reason. An example of the value of the conversation transitioning as it did is that if I were to tell me children what a needle was and explain why they should not touch it, they could have become curious and actually picked one up if they saw one. But being they understood the horrific life that just one poke could bring... No needles for them, ever! 

    Parents may be uncomfortable talking to their kids about sex and educating them to what is safe and healthy. I know a lot of parents a few generations ago just skipped that responsibility. There are many ways to get the conversation started. One is to plant those seeds that no topic is off limits with our children and us, private conversations can include anything that they are curious about. A friend of mind told me that he was unsure of how much to tell his 9 year old son about sex.. the answer is easy, get the conversation going and once they ask one question and you answer it honestly, he will have another question. Now we have a conversation. How much do you tell him? Again, easy, when he stops asking questions, you satisfied his curiosity. My son asked a bunch of questions right away then off and on over the next few weeks and then his curiosity was satisfied. 

    It is very important to answer ALL of your child's questions. If you don't answer them to their satisfaction, someone else will and that someone could be the wrong kind of influence or worse yet it could be google. A friend (and a father) and I were having a conversation within earshot of my 11 year old daughter and one of us mentioned birth control. My daughter heard that and asked, "Dad, what's birth control?". Now this is a direct result of me teaching her for years that you can ask me anything and I will tell you the truth and encouraging her to ask. Now before that question was even past her lips my friend responded "Big people stuff". As if it were a reaction to that type of question.. and could even have been a defense mechanism to not have to talk about 'uncomfortable subjects'.  My daughter was curious and asked a question, her curiosity was not satisfied but she WAS shut up about it with the response. She may be ok for now but that curiosity will eventually creep back in. If I had given her the "big people stuff" response and left it at that, she definitely would not have come back to me with the same question, instead gone to a friend or older person or God forbid, google, and gotten an answer that I had no control over. Something to also consider is that if she got shut down when being curious about birth control, what other sex questions did we inadvertently shut down that will now be outsourced?! What a horrific thought, "We have some control of how and what our children learn and we shift that to an outside sources when we shut them down or do not explain to satisfy their curiosity". 

    A friend of mine once asked how you know how much to teach your children about new subjects that may require a mature mind to understand. The answer is simple, "when they stop asking questions, you stop answering". It's that simple. Look at the incredible opportunity you have when your children come to you with questions. They will ask a question if they are curious and will stop asking when they are satisfied. And if your child is like 99% of other children, they will be curious and ask more over time and ask their curiosity builds so does our opportunity to teach. Just remember one thing during these extremely valuable times of conversation, you have to be on high alert to never make them feel as if they are wrong or their is something negative about asking these questions. As a parent you need to take steps early one in your child's life, i'm talking 3 or 4 years old, to encourage them to ask questions and thank them for asking. 

    Kids are curious and always will be, they like boys and girls and always will, they will have questions about some taboo topics and WILL get answers to them. Make it a top priority to be that information source for them. As parents look at how they see you, do you always yell and get excited when they bring up some shocking topics? Do they hide stuff from you because they know your reaction? Do they ask their friends or their aunt or uncle with fringe theories and beliefs? Make it you, but remember all good parenting starts before the child is conceived

Mary Got it Right

 Luke 10:38-42

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”
In church recently between drawing a dinosaur for the 10th time and doing a color by number with my little dude I hear Luke 10:38 quoted and it perked my ears up and I thought to myself "Mary got it right". She was not being lazy or shirking her duties & responsibilities, she was simply choosing what is better. And the end of the verse ".... but few things are needed". 
I think I come from a line of Martha's who can't sit down until ALL the work is done. And then when it's done we look around and try to find the little things that are there that bug us and clean those up. So many times I would neglect time with my children to do the dishes or run the sweeper or clean up the yard or garage. I could find a plethora of things to do thinking that as soon as I finish this chore I will sit down with the kids. Then 5 o'clock turns into 6 and 6 turns into 8 and then it's 8:30 and time to get the bedtime routine started. Many nights the chores and the things I thought were important were mundane cleaning or organizing, cleaning up clutter or doing yard work. Things that have no value when it comes to the spiritual welfare of my children. I could be sitting at the Master's feet, listening,, but instead I'm running here and there cleaning and doing chores in which Jesus said "few things are needed". When it comes to work at home or children we must choose children. I'm not saying that we no longer have to do chores or housework but that we should have a daily schedule and stick to it no matter what. It's a three-fold blessing- One you are setting aside a definite time with your kids for their sake, everyday. Two you are not risking running out of time for important things like Bible reading and prayer with them. Three you are conveying importance of things you choose for those times, like Bible reading, prayer, family time, game nights, movie nights and conversation. 
If an evening came to an end and the rug was vacuumed and the windows washed but the kids did not get the Word read to them, I failed. And yes, the many nights that I failed make my heart burn in my chest. Mary got it right, she did not care that the preparations were not under way or the house was not as clean as it should be, she was sitting at Jesus' feet, listening. It's time we take the time to sit as Jesus' feet Bible open or kneel at His feet in prayer just listening to what he has to tell us. Reading to our kids or praying with them at night. And oh, by the way, that's another whole topic about how you pray and speak to your children. The words you use with your children are a huge factor in the development of them as little humans. 
Make a plan. Here are some places to start with getting some Mary plans in the works regarding our kids. Got daughters? They are more fragile than boys. Dads, make plans for a one on one date night with your daughters at least once a month. Make a definite appoint to sit with your daughter every night, no exceptions, while she is in bed and let her talk, listen to what she has to say. Invite yourself in when she's little so you will still be invited in when she's a teenager. Moms, do girly stuff together. Crafts, dolls, sewing and anything else that is a girly thing to do. You have to guide them and help shape them into what little girls are supposed to be. If you don't , society will.
Boys? Make man time for them. Take them on a weekend trip once or twice a year, just dad and the boys. Fishing, camping or a convention about something they are into, a show or someplace they've been wanting to go to that requires a stay overnight or just make it require an overnight stay so you can get up and go out to breakfast. Your sons will only be young once. If we miss it now, it's gone forever. If we want them to have similar interests as ours we better start sharing our passion when they are 2, 3 or 4 and not try to get them interested when they are 16 and society and peer pressure already got them. All this said... be Mary, invest in spiritual things with your kids and your self. All this investment in your kids is listening to the Savior and really sitting and listening, like Mary. 
The Martha in us would want to stop and get everything just right with the house and yard and projects, the work never ends. The Martha in us never stops working. We always find something to get upset about and something to take our time and energy instead of what really needs to be done instead of focusing on the Word and the Lord. 
Mary got it right. I come from a line of Martha's that can't sit down and read if the dishes aren't done and can't play catch with the kids if ALL the work is not done. But Martha worried herself about unimportant things. Things that weren't needed. When we get invested in so much stuff that is not needed we try to cram it in our day and it only causes stress and stress causes a short temper,,,,, time to look at how Mary handled it, back up, sit down and listen. Jesus is waiting to teach if I would only listen. Too often we let the urgent take over what is truly needed. Spending time alone consistently with God and His word. Not once in awhile but consistently daily. As a Dad, a Christian and a husband there is a lot of unneeded things that can crowd out the truly important. With the Lord's help we can stop putting priority on the things that don't matter and focus on sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening, watching, reading and praying. With so many things and so many people vying for our time and our attention it is crucial to make time, prioritize and keep that time at the forefront of every day.
Mary did not stress over the things that 'needed' to be done, but instead sat and listened.

Sit and listen.

Christian Women Head Coverings

 

Growing up, I never felt the need to understand the significance of head coverings for women during prayer. My church taught it, my mom did it, so it seemed right. But now, as a husband and father, I feel a stronger responsibility to go back to the Word for guidance. The key passage on this topic is 1 Corinthians 11:2-16:

"2 Now I praise you, brethren, that ye remember me in all things, and keep the ordinances, as I delivered them to you. 3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. 4 Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonoureth his head. 5 But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven... 15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering."

It’s important to read the entire passage to understand the context. Paul starts by reminding them to keep the traditions he passed down. While some traditions are cultural and tied to that time, head coverings seem to point to something deeper, especially since Paul connects it to headship: Christ is the head of man, man is the head of woman, and God is the head of Christ (verse 3). Then he goes into the specific instructions about head coverings for both men and women.

Verse 4 says that when a man prays with his head covered, he dishonors Christ. In contrast, verse 5 explains that a woman praying with her head uncovered dishonors her head, which I believe refers to her husband in the context of marriage. Paul makes a clear connection between the physical covering and the roles established by God. 

The idea of covering, whether it's for men or women, seems more than just a cultural issue. Some argue that verse 15 suggests a woman's long hair is her covering, which removes the need for a physical one. But if that were the case, why does Paul go into such detail? Why would he bring up headship if it were simply about hair length? And if hair is enough of a covering for women, what are men supposed to do—shave their heads? These are the questions that make me believe Paul is talking about a physical head covering, not just hair.

The argument that head coverings were just for the culture of that time doesn’t hold up well either. Cultures all the way back through Abraham’s descendants understood this as a physical covering, whether they were Hebrews or even later in Islamic traditions. It wasn’t just a matter of wearing a covering so Christian women stood out from the prostitutes, as some argue. Paul’s concern wasn’t about walking in public without a veil—it was about what happens during prayer. His teaching wasn’t limited to a cultural scandal but was rooted in God’s order.

Before Christ came, priests were instructed to cover their heads while praying, like Aaron and his sons who wore ornate turbans as part of their priestly garments (Exodus 39:27-31). But after Christ, the order of headship shifted, which is why Paul says men shouldn’t cover their heads anymore. It’s all connected to the headship of Christ, God’s plan for authority in marriage, home, and the church.

It’s interesting that veils and head coverings were common practice in most Christian communities up until the mid-20th century. The cultural changes of the 1960s and 70s, along with the rise of feminist movements, led to a shift. Women started rejecting symbols of submission as they pushed for independence and equality. Churches, instead of holding firm to biblical teachings, started relaxing these requirements, often to please congregants. For instance, in 1962, the Catholic Church stopped requiring head coverings during Mass, and many Protestant churches followed suit. 

So why did this teaching suddenly become “cultural” in the 1960s? If Paul was only talking about hair or addressing a local cultural issue, why did nobody understand it that way for nearly 2,000 years? The timing of this shift seems more influenced by society than by Scripture.

It’s also clear that Paul didn’t see this as just a cultural practice. Verse 10, “For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels,” shows there’s something spiritual at play. We may not fully understand the reference to angels, but it’s obvious that it goes beyond culture and into the realm of spiritual authority and order. It’s a symbol of submission to God’s order and much like baptism or communion, It’s not about salvation, but it’s a public statement of a deeper belief and commitment.

When people argue that Paul’s teaching on head coverings was purely cultural, they’re dismissing the theological significance he placed on it. As Christians, we are required to let Scripture speak for itself, not adjust it to fit modern norms.

I believe the reason the practice of head coverings has been abandoned by Christians in general is tied to a deeper rejection of God’s order of headship. Many families today operate with the wife in charge in the role God gave the man, resulting in the eventual rejection of a head covering. We hear things like, “This is what works for us,” as an excuse for the woman to take the man’s God appointed place. God’s Word and commands are what matter—not whether the wife is a better decision-maker or head of the household. The outward symbol of a head covering can be a reflection of the deeper submission to God’s order, and when we drop the symbol, the meaning often goes with it. Paul didn’t say, “Grow long hair so we know you honor your husband.” He said to wear a covering to show you honor God’s design for headship.

To conclude, 1 Corinthians 11:5 says: “But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.” This isn’t just a cultural teaching; it’s rooted in God’s order laid out in verse 3, which remains relevant today. If we believe that man is still the head of the woman, then a head covering is still a valid practice.

This isn’t about being legalistic or trying to hold onto old-fashioned traditions. It’s about acknowledging God’s design and reflecting that in our actions. Husbands need to lovingly teach and guide their wives in this area, not submit to cultural pressures or modern ideas about equality. Would a woman be ashamed to walk into church with a shaved head? If so, she should also feel ashamed to pray without a covering, not because of man’s approval, but because of what God’s Word says.